The Ascent of Haruhi Suzumiya
by SiFi270
Summary: Haruhi invites the brigade plus Tsuruya to play SBURB, a game she's apparently been anticipating for a while now. But not even she can expect what the game has in store for them.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: I'm starting a new thing. Go me.

So yeah, this is a crossover between Haruhi and Homestuck, but you don't have to be thatfamiliar with Homestuck to read it.

* * *

><p>Kyon stood vacantly in his bedroom, waiting for nothing in particular to happen. Today was the first day of spring break, and he frankly didn't feel like doing anything at all. All that was going through his mind was the hope that Haruhi hadn't trapped them in another time-loop.<p>

Eventually, he decided to test this paranoia. When stuck in the first time-loop during the summer of 2010, he was able to reach for his cell phone mere moments before receiving a call from Haruhi at the beginning of every loop. So if the phone rang before he reached it, it would mean he was right to be worried. If it didn't, then he could at least call Yuki to see if everything was okay.

He reached for the phone. And it started ringing. Fortunately, this time it was just a stupid coincidence.

"Kyon!" Haruhi all but shrieked from the other end of the line. "You ever heard of a game called SBURB?"

"Not rea-"

"The beta just came out today!" She interrupted. "I pre-ordered copies for the entire brigade a while ago! Come on over to the clubroom and I'll give them out!"

Before he could ask any questions, she hung up, leaving him to make his way outside and hopefully find out more about this game.

"Kyon!" His younger sister called as she noticed him leaving. "Where're you going?"

"Haruhi's invited me to do something stupid." He answered nonchalantly. "Don't get killed while I'm gone."

"'Kay!" She returned to playing the video game presented in front of her.

* * *

><p>"You're late!" Haruhi scolded as she watched Kyon arrive.<p>

"I'm late!" He mimicked almost simultaneously. "Penalty?"

"Penalty!" She confirmed. "...Actually, no. That'd just be a further waste of time." She handed him two envelopes, one displaying a house made up of six orange squares and a roof, and the other displaying a complex circular pattern.

"The one with the house on is the server disk, and the one with the... thing... on it is the client disk." She explained. "Installation is hella complicated, but Kyon's going to start the session by installing the client disk, and I'll explain the rest as we go along. Got that?"

"Sure." He nodded. "Can I go now?"

"Fine." She sighed. "Anyone else can go now. Oh! And Tsuruya's going to be playing this too. Play nice!"

* * *

><p>As Kyon was walking home, he suddenly noticed that Yuki was trailing silently behind him, and decided to consult her about some questions he had.<p>

"This game..." He began. "It's completely harmless, right?"

She suddenly stopped in her tracks.

"...Nagato?"

"It is not safe." She finally answered. "But we have no choice but to play it. I have spoken with Mikuru Asahina's elder counterpart about this, and from this discussion I have concluded that there is a 90% chance of our survival."

"I guess that's reassuring..." He nodded. "Well, I'll see you tomorrow."

She nodded and watched him leave. "Today is going to be a very long day." She whispered to herself.

* * *

><p>"I'm home!" Kyon called. "You didn't get killed while I was out, did you?"<p>

No answer.

Kyon chuckled to himself as he made his way upstairs, knocking on his sister's bedroom door.

Still no answer.

"You in there?" He was beginning to get worried now. "I said I'm home."

After an uncomfortable silence, he finally threw the door open, only to freeze in terror when he noticed his sister.

She was laying on the floor in a position that suggested she'd fallen from her chair, and her eyes were wide open, though they seemed unfocused.

Eventually, Kyon gathered the courage to pick up her body and turn her over, which was when he finally noticed.

There was a pair of scissors lodged violently into her back.

* * *

><p>AN: So far, so OH GOD WHY WOULD I DO THAT TO HER.


	2. Chapter 2

As Kyon sat completely silent, still trying to process what just happened, he heard the phone ring. He ignored it until the caller was forced to leave a message, who turned out to be Haruhi.

"Kyon!" She yelled across the line. "I know you're there! Quit screwing around and install the game!"

Kyon finally stood up and took a deep breath. Needless to say, there was no way Haruhi could have realized that his sister was dead, and in a situation like this it would be very easy for him to get angry at her for no reason, so he took a moment to think what he was going to say before picking up the phone.

"My sister is dead." He explained bluntly. "She was impaled on a pair of scissors."

As soon as he'd said this, he could hear nothing on the other end of the line. He couldn't even hear her breathing.

"That's..." She finally uttered. "...I'm sorry, Kyon. I... I didn't know."

"Of course you didn't." He sighed. "I'd like a moment alone right now."

"S-Sure." She quickly hung up.

Kyon returned to his knees, only to realize that there was someone else in the room with him, standing a mere few feet behind him. He turned around to find Yuki, who for once appeared genuinely upset towards the latest turn of events.

"You heard me ask to be left alone, didn't you?" He tilted his head.

"I did." She nodded. "But this is a message of utmost importance. I would like to inform you, that the game Haruhi recommended not only affects our own world, but it can be used to resurrect your sister."

He looked at her blankly. "You're... Are you serious?"

She nodded.

"You'd better be." He got up and headed to his room. "It seems unlikely at the moment, but if you're lying to me, I will _not _forgive you."

"Nor would I expect you to." She responded. "Though I assure you that my statement is sincere."

* * *

><p>Kyon hesitantly inserted the disk into his computer and watched it install, still uncertain as to whether or not he should trust Yuki. Although she was his closest friend, and was always there when he needed her, what she had just stated seemed <em>very <em>implausible, even by the standards Kyon had known ever since he first met Haruhi.

Suddenly, he noticed a blinking icon on the game's HUD, and realized that it was a built in chat application for the game. It appeared that Haruhi was speaking to him.

* * *

><p>supernaturalObserver [SO] began pestering isolatedSanity [IS] at 18:26<p>

SO: are you okay?

SO: you don't have to do this if you don't want to.

IS: I'll be okay.

IS: Let's just get this over with.

IS: So what do I do now?

SO: i'll show you!

* * *

><p>Kyon suddenly heard something very heavy land behind him, and turned to find a white, cylindrical device in the corner of his bedroom.<p>

* * *

><p>SO: where doing this man<p>

SO: where making this hapen

* * *

><p>AN: Okay, so maybe being familiar with Homestuck would allow you to realize that she wasn't permanently dead.


	3. Chapter 3

supernaturalObserver began pestering isolatedSanity at 20:13

SO: i don't think i get this game at all...

SO: all i'm doing is putting random crap in your house

IS: I'll ask Nagato.

IS: She knows a lot about these kinds of games.

* * *

><p>Kyon hastily picked up the phone and dialed Yuki's number.<p>

"Hello." She answered nonchalantly.

Kyon went straight to the point. "You were right about this game having an effect on the world around it, and I guess that's pretty impressive, but can you live up to the other half of your promise?"

"I can." She answered.

"Well then how do I do it?" He demanded. "I've been patient. I'm only playing this because you said it would bring her back."

Haruhi looked very confused as she watched the conversation from her computer screen.

"Do you recall the cylindrical object that Haruhi Suzumiya placed in your bedroom?" Yuki asked.

"Yes." He sighed.

"As you may recall, there is a valve on the side of this device." She explained. "Turning the valve takes some effort, but doing so results in the creation of two objects; the Cruxite Dowel, and the Kernelsprite. The latter plays a crucial part in your sister's resurrection."

Kyon immediately ran back to his bedroom and tightly gripped the valve Yuki mentioned with both hands.

* * *

><p>SO: kyon, what are you doing!<p>

SO: are you sure you're okay?

SO: kyon?

* * *

><p>Kyon gave an exhausted sigh as he watched the device in front of him finally open, releasing a glowing blue orb as it did so. He squinted as he tried to touch it, quickly finding that his hand went straight through. Immediately, he ran back into the hallway and picked up the phone again.<p>

"I assume you have now found the Kernelsprite." Yuki stated. "As soon as your sister's body comes into contact with the Kernelsprite, she will return to life. Though I would suggest removing the scissors beforehand."

Kyon nodded as he finally hung up and returned to his sister's room. He wasn't quite sure if there was any specific way he should remove the scissors in order to prevent blood from getting everywhere, but he eventually decided that Yuki would have warned him about something like that.

He removed the scissors, but then he quickly dropped them again upon seeing the amount of blood on them. He quickly picked his sister's corpse off the ground and carried it into his bedroom, holding it up to the Kernelsprite. Before he knew it, he was greeted by a bright flash of light, and as soon as he could see again he found a grinning face staring down at him.

And that face belonged to his sister.

* * *

><p>AN: Remember when I could produce a decent chapter of something every day? That seems so long ago now...


	4. Chapter 4

All of a sudden, everything made sense to Haruhi.

It had taken her a while to accept that the game she was playing did not take place in a virtual world, but her own world. It had also taken her a while to accept that the game was able to affect her world in ways that shouldn't have been possible. But nevertheless, she eventually accepted these things, and because of this she was eventually able to deduce that Kyon was already aware of all this thanks to Yuki, and as such planned to use the game to bring his sister back from the dead.

Simple, really.

Kyon, on the other hand, was very confused.

"I'm not entirely sure I get it." He admitted, still speaking on the phone to Yuki. "Is this her, or did I do something wrong, or... What?"

"Your sister has been successfully restored." Yuki assured him. "Though in this state, she is not capable of much. The Kernelsprite will not be fully prototyped until you enter the Medium."

"Can you repeat that last sentence in a language I speak?" He sighed.

"Your sister's cheery demeanor will come back when you do some hella complicated stuff. Once I'm done installing this game, I'll explain it to you via the game's chat client. I will go by the username, 'silentSnowflake'."

* * *

><p>silentSnowflake [SS] began pestering isolatedSanity [IS] at 21:05<p>

SS: Are you there?

IS: I am.

SS: How are you feeling?

IS: Pretty hopeful.

IS: So, this 'hella complicated stuff'...

SS: I have no recollection of wording it in that manner.

IS: Just how complicated is it?

SS: …

SS: Hella?

IS: Should've seen that one coming.

IS: But that aside, what's the first thing I do?

SS: In answer to that, I once again refer to the Cruxtruder.

IS: Remind me what that is.

SS: It was instrumental in restoring your sister.

IS: Of course it was.

SS: Anyway, that device should have produced a second object.

SS: You must first take this object to the Totem Lathe.

IS: Is that the one Haruhi put in my Sister's bedroom?

SS: The other one.

IS: Okay, I'll be back in a minute.

IS: And now I'm back.

IS: I assume the cylindrical was supposed to go between the other two cylindrical things?

SS: Correct.

IS: And I was supposed to let the machine change its shape?

SS: Indeed.

IS: So now what?

SS: Bring the newly carved Cruxite Dowel to the device in your Sister's bedroom.

SS: You will find that there is a similar slot for it to the one seen on the Totem Lathe.

SS: Once you activate the device, an object will appear in the center.

SS: And as soon as you 'break' this object in some fashion,

* * *

><p>Kyon rushed back to his sister's bedroom before reading Yuki's last line of text, carefully holding the Cruxite Dowel in his arms. He placed it within the slot she mentioned and activated the machine, causing another flash of light to engulf the room. As soon as he could see again, he noticed a cyan notepad laying on the machine. Without hesitation, he grabbed the notepad and held it by the corners, recklessly tearing it in half before he felt the ground shake beneath his feet.<p>

Kyon was beginning to grow very tired of seeing everything happen through a flash of light.

* * *

><p>AN: WHAT DO YOU MEAN SHOW DON'T TELL SCREW THAT I'M TIRED


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: Okay maybe I lied about not necessarily having to be familiar with Homestuck.

* * *

><p>When Kyon finally awoke, he found himself on another world entirely. Although the room he found himself in closely resembled his bedroom, the entire place had a purple tint, and there were confusing messages scribbled all over the room.<p>

To Kyon, the writing on the wall was very familiar indeed. It was a rant about Santa Claus that he'd once used to begin his short-lived journal.

And then it all came back to him.

He'd been in this room before, in his dreams. He was the one who'd tirelessly scrawled these messages night after night.

"So I'm dreaming, right?" He asked nobody in particular. "Can I wake up now? I think something important's happening in the real world. Do I have to go to sleep to wake up or something stupid like that?"

He stood for a while before realizing he wasn't going to receive an answer, instead feeling a sharp pain in his cheek that caused him to fall asleep.

Or was he waking up again?

* * *

><p>As Kyon's eyes slowly opened, the sound of a high-pitched laughter slowly became louder and louder.<p>

He'd never been so relieved to hear somebody laughing at him.

He leapt up to his feet to find his Sister floating in front of him, as what appeared to be a ghost, though Yuki would probably object to that terminology. His first instinct was to try and hug her, assuming she was tangible, and he was somewhat surprised when he succeeded in doing so.

"I told you, sis." He laughed, despite the tears flowing down his face. "I _told _you about dying."

"Yeah, that was pretty careless of me." She admitted. "But we've got more important things to do."

He finally let go of her and raised an eyebrow. "Like what?"

"Like getting to Skaia!" She casually blasted a hole in the ceiling and pointed upwards. "That's what the whole game's about!"

"You suddenly know an awful lot about this game." Kyon remarked.

"That's what happens when you become a sprite!" She laughed once again. "But Yuki knows _everything _about the game, because she cheated!"

"And I'm very glad she did." He grinned. "I should go thank her for helping to bring you back."

"You do that." She nodded.

* * *

><p>isolatedSanity began pestering silentSnowflake at TIME UNKNOWN<p>

IS: I cannot thank you enough for all this.

IS: I owe you my life. Again.

SS: You are welcome.

SS: However, I must request that you remain silent at the moment.

SS: I am trying to assist Haruhi Suzumiya in entering the medium, as she assisted you.

IS: Already?

IS: Go right ahead then.

* * *

><p>"Oh, boy!" Haruhi grinned to herself. "Prototyping this sprite with a photo of myself was the best idea I've ever had! I can't wait for it to come to life!"<p>

* * *

><p>AN: I'm on the fence in regards to whether or not the sprite should turn into a duplicate of Haruhi or a photo.


	6. Chapter 6

Kyon quickly made his way back to his sister's bedroom to find her speaking to seemingly nobody. It took him a while to realize that she was speaking directly to Haruhi, as though being the server player allowed her to place cameras all over his house.

"You just need to build your way up!" She insisted. "Don't worry about the hole in the roof! As a matter of fact, could you put a ladder or something there, please? Not stairs, please"

"How do you know she's listening to you?" Kyon wondered.

"I don't!" She laughed. "But if she is, then hopefully..."

Before she could finish, a small staircase appeared underneath the hole, leading up to the roof.

"Not stairs!" Kyon's sister repeated. "I warned you about stairs! They cost a lot of build grist!"

* * *

><p>Meanwhile, Haruhi was becoming very frustrated with this game.<p>

"If you're so smart, how come you're dead?" She yelled at her screen. "Wait, that's an unfair question." She turned and stared at the ceiling. "Because if Yuki doesn't hurry up and get me to the Medium, I'll probably be dead too!"

* * *

><p>Meanwhile, Yuki was becoming very frustrated with Haruhi's whining.<p>

* * *

><p>silentSnowflake began pestering supernaturalObserver at 21:27<p>

SS: The meteor I mentioned is not due for another six hours.

SS: Were it to arrive any sooner, we would have no time to save the rest of the brigade.

SO: so it could destroy the entire city?

SS: The entire country.

SO: damn...

SO: how big is it?

SO: like the size of texas?

SO: or just rhode island?

SO: they're always throwing around these geographical comparisons to give it a sense of scale like it really means anything to us...

SO: but it's like it doesn't matter, it's always just like "WOW THAT'S PRETTY FRIGGING BIG"

SO: oh god, i can picture it now...

SO: "sir are you familiar with jupiter?"

SO: "you mean like the planet?"

SO: "yeah. well it's that big, sir."

SO: "hmmm, that sounds pretty big."

SO: "i have a question: is it jupiter?"

SO: "yes sir, earth is literally under seige by planet frigging jupiter"

SO: "OH CRAP"

SO: you still there?

SS: Please, just do the things you saw Kyon do and enter the Medium.

SO: fine.

SO: my material's wasted on you.

* * *

><p>AN: Tonight on _The Ascension of Haruhi Suzumiya_: Haruhi accidentally plagiarizes Dave!


	7. Chapter 7

outrageousHeiress [OH] began pestering silentSnowflake [SS] at 21:49

OH: hi nagatochi! ^_^

SS: Good evening, Miss Tsuruya.

OH: you wanted to speak to me about how complicated this game was?

SS: Oh yes.

SS: It is hella complicated. Like you wouldn't believe.

SS: Complexity like that is just unreal. It doesn't happen.

SS: most of the time

OH: are you... feeling okay? o_0

SS: Try not to worry about it.

SS: It keeps happening.

OH: okaaaaay...

OH: lets just get back to the point shall we?

SS: Very well.

SS: As soon as Haruhi Suzumiya enters the medium, I need you to help me to do the same.

OH: oh yeah i heard about that from mikuru's older sister.

OH: youll need a 'kernelsprite'... right?

OH: what do you plan on using?

SS: I asked her specifically only to discuss that with me.

SS: And as for my Kernelsprite: It's a surprise.

* * *

><p>Yuki looked beneath her computer desk, where the charred corpse of Achakura stared back at her. Although the taller alien's facial expression refused to change in response to this, it was quite clear she was feeling remorseful in regards to how things had turned out. She knew very well that this was how it was meant to be, and that she'd be seeing Achakura alive again very soon. But it still pained her to see her associate die a second time.<p>

It was then Yuki noticed that Haruhi had managed to enter the medium. And so had Haruhisprite.

* * *

><p>silentSnowflake [SS] began pestering supernaturalObserver [SO] at 21:52<p>

SS: You prototyped YOURSELF?

SO: it was only a photo...

SS: Ah.

SS: Panic over.

SO: by the way...

SO: am i supposed to make kyon's house taller and taller while climbing MY house, which will also be getting taller and taller?

SO: because i don't think i can drag my computer up there.

SS: You needn't worry about that.

SS: Punch this code into the punch designix:

SS: CuPA8LpQ

SO: okay, give me a minute...

SO: it looks like a laptop designed to resemble bill cosby

SS: I am afraid it is the only kind of laptop I know the code for.

SO: okay fine...

* * *

><p>"So I'm supposed to go outside in order to ascend to Skaia, right?" Kyon approached his sister nervously. "I don't like that idea. There's a bunch of... Things... Out there..."<p>

"Those are imps!" She explained. "They looked kind of like me, right?"

"Now that you mention it, yes." He nodded. "They had your hair. They actually look kind of silly, but still intimidating."

"My hair is not silly!" She retorted indignantly. "What you need is a weapon. There's got to be something lying around here. Like that pair of scissors that..."

"No." He interrupted. "That's just creepy. I'll just..." A metaphorical lightbulb appeared above his head as he made his way to the garage, returning with a claw hammer.

His sister inspected the hammer closely. "I never really saw you as much of a hammer person..." She remarked.

"Well what weapon _did _you expect to see me running around with?" He rolled his eyes.

"I once had a crazy dream about you fighting evil with a beam-sword..." She shrugged. "But that's a story for another time."

* * *

><p>AN: Speaking of which, is that thing still updating? I stopped reading when I got really picky about pairings. Which prevents me from reading pretty much any Haruhi fanfic since I'm basically the only one who supports Yuki/Mikuru.


	8. Chapter 8

"Okay..." Haruhisprite placed a hand to her chin as she looked at her human counterpart. "I'm supposed to be explaining this game to you now, but I think Yuki knows enough about it for you to just do what she says. All you need is a weapon."

The original Haruhi stared towards the ceiling in deep thought before an idea hit her.

"I know!" She declared. "Dad's chainsaw!"

* * *

><p>isolatedSanity [IS] began pestering supernaturalObserver [SO] at TIME UNKNOWN<p>

IS: I've just spoken with Nagato.

IS: She says you're weilding a chainsaw.

SO: hell yeah!

IS: God help us all...

SO: hey! it's better than your weapon!

IS: My sister's in the process of teaching me to upgrade my weapons.

IS: Do you even know how to use that thing?

SO: i've had some practice...

IS: Oh God...

IS: You know, I've always seen you as a cross between Mary Poppins and a T-Rex.

IS: So now you're a cross between Mary Poppins and a T-Rex with a chainsaw.

IS: I don't like that thought.

SO: you ever read the original mary poppins books?

SO: in those, she's basically this near godlike entity that appears out of nowhere and usually imposes fear and respect.

SO: the disney movie everyone remembers really toned her down.

IS: …

SO: i'm sorry, did i just destroy your childhood?

IS: Kind of. But that's not what the ellipses are for.

IS: It's... You wouldn't understand.

* * *

><p>tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering silentSnowflake [SS] at 22:13<p>

TT: Testing.

SS: I am sorry. Do I know you?

TT: Unless I've chosen to communicate with you in an anachronic order, I doubt it.

TT: My name is Rose Lalonde. I've only recently arrived in your universe.

SS: So you are a dimensional slider?

TT: Not exactly. But before I explain, don't you think an introduction is in order?

SS: Apologies. My name is Yuki Nagato.

TT: Thank you.

TT: As for why I'm here, are you familiar with a game known as SBURB?

SS: As it happens, I am playing that game as we speak.

TT: Then I hope you don't mind me spoiling the ending:

TT: The objective is to create a universe.

SS: I am aware of this. One of our players happens to be a time-traveller.

TT: Lucky you.

TT: So anyway, what I'm trying to say is that we created your universe.

SS: I see. I suppose a 'thank you' is in order.

TT: I suppose. Although we never thanked the creators of our universe.

TT: But we're getting off topic here.

TT: What I wanted to say is: My friends and I will be helping you through this game.

TT: After our experience with it, we figured you'd need it.

* * *

><p>AN: Looks like this crossover just got... Crossoverer.


	9. Chapter 9

stutteringHeroine [SH] began pestering silentSnowflake [SS] at 22:30

SH: hel

SH: hello miss nagato

SS: Hello.

SH: sorry about that

SH: i got nervous and pressed enter too soon

SH: im still

SH: im still trying to figure these keyboards out

SS: If my experience is anything to go by, that should not take too long.

SH: but youre a super advanced alien

SH: you can easily memorise where the keys are

SH: right

SS: I suppose.

SS: Anyway, is there a reason you decided to speak to me.

SH: i jus

SH: i just wanted to test the chat application

SS: Okay.

SS: I shall see you later then.

SH: i

silentSnowflake [SS] ceased pestering stutteringHeroine [SH] at 22:33

SH: i love you

SH: oh

SH: youre gone

* * *

><p>"Where the hell do these things keep coming from?" Kyon wondered as he mercilessly smashed the skulls of several imps with his soon to be upgraded hammer. "Have they even existed for all that long?"<p>

"I don't know..." His sister gasped, the sensation of obliviousness feeling surprisingly new to her. "I guess it's not important if I don't have an answer, though."

"I guess." He threw his hammer at the last imp as he finally reached the Punch Designix. He produced a broom handle from parts unknown and held it up to device, allowing it to be scanned thoroughly. His sister sighed as she begrudgingly retrieved the hammer for him, repeating the scanning process with it.

"And now we just have to make our way back to the Totem Lathe." Kyon rolled his eyes. "I really wish there was a room in the house big enough for Haruhi to just put everything there."

Kyon's sister didn't have the heart to tell him that Haruhi could easily have done that from the very start.

* * *

><p>gardenGnostic [GG] began pestering outrageousHeiress [OH] at 22:58<p>

GG: hi! :D

OH: hi! ^_^

OH: umm...

OH: who are you?

GG: my name's jade!

GG: i'm here to help you out with this game.

OH: well, you're a little early...

OH: i haven't even entered the medium yet

GG: ah.

GG: how many have done that so far?

OH: just two.

OH: the third, my client player, is getting pretty close though.

OH: so... how were you able to reach me?

GG: i was just looking for other sburb players.

GG: i've played this game before, and as i said, i figured you could use some help.

OH: before?

OH: do i detect time shenanigans?

GG: no, but you're going to see a lot of those as it is.

GG: to be blunt, i come from another universe.

GG: and to be even more blunt, me and my friends created your universe.

GG: mostly me.

OH: i'm going to casually accept this shocking development as though you were just telling me your socks were mismatched!

GG: i guess that's a lot to take in.

OH: so does that make you god?

GG: ...god's sister, i think?

GG: it's really, REALLY complicated.

OH: you're telling me.

OH: did you ever meet the creator(s) of your universe?

GG: not face to face.

GG: they all died.

GG: well, except for two.

GG: and even then one of them's hardly who he used to be.

GG: anyway, gotta go!

OH: it's been nice talking to you!

GG: same here!

gardenGnostic [GG] ceased pestering outrageousHeiress [OH] at 23:12

* * *

><p>"This is exactly what I was hoping for." Kyon smiled excitedly as he picked up his new hammer, which resembled a sledgehammer with the head of a claw hammer. "I can't wait to see Haruhi's reaction to this. Hell, I can't wait for the <em>imps<em>' reaction to this."

"Speaking of which..." His sister pointed outside to reveal that the imps were once again changing, indicating that Yuki had now entered the medium. This would hardly have bothered him, if not for one thing.

The imps now shared Ryoko Asakura's likeness.

* * *

><p>AN: Exposition, exposition, rush it out ASAP...


	10. Chapter 10

A/N: So yeah, I'm ignoring the canon of the still unreleased tenth novel, just like how I'm ignoring how Rose died the very day after I introduced her to the story.

* * *

><p>isolatedSanity [IS] began pestering silentSnowflake [SS] at TIME UNKOWN<p>

IS: You've prototyped your kernelsprite with Ryoko Asakura.

IS: I think that bears repeating.

IS: You prototyped.

IS: Your kernelsprite.

IS: With Ryoko.

IS: Fucking.

IS: Asakura.

SS: You must try to calm yourself.

IS: Calm myself?

IS: Maybe you don't remember the last time I met her.

IS: She tried to kill me.

IS: And succeeded.

IS: And maybe you don't remember the time before that.

IS: I literally went insane.

IS: You had to kick me to snap me out of it.

IS: And it fucking hurt.

IS: But not as much as when SHE FUCKING KILLED ME.

SS: These newly prototyped imps are hardly any more powerful than they were last time they were prototyped.

SS: You should be able to defeat them with ease.

SS: As a matter of fact, I strongly recommend doing so.

SS: It may help you to vent out your anger.

SS: Additionally, it is virtually impossible to die at this point in the game, due to your sprite's protection.

SS: Although I assume it would be humiliating if your younger sister were to protect you from your most feared adversary for such a significant portion of the game.

SS: Now please excuse me. I have to talk to a teenage girl from another universe.

* * *

><p>Kyon let out a heavy sigh as he picked up his hammer and stood up from his chair. He climbed up to the roof, much to his sister's surprise, and and hit one of the imps with such force that it practically dived into the abyss surrounding the house.<p>

"Come to think of it..." He placed a hand to his chin. "Is there actually anything down there?"

"Of course there is!" His sister chuckled. "Where else do you think that portal above us leads?"

"Skaia?" He shrugged.

"Of course not! That would be too easy." She floated over so that she was just over the edge. "Down there is the Land of Stone and Paper!"

"You're not serious." He frowned.

"I am!" She insisted.

"Okay, fine, you are." He shrugged. "Is everyone else who successfully entered the medium here as well?"

"No, they get their own planets." She dismissed. "If I recall correctly, Haruhi's planet is the Land of Sky and Dreams, and Yuki's is the Land of Thought and Ice."

"They both sound infinitely cooler than mine." Kyon rolled his eyes.

"Well, the second gate leads to Haruhi's planet!" She smiled. "And the fourth leads to Yuki's. So keep making progress!" She casually tossed a pair of scissors in the direction of an imp trying to sneak up on her brother.

* * *

><p>turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering supernaturalObserver [SO] at TIME UNKNOWN<p>

TG: sup

SO: uhhh...

SO: do i know you?

TG: bitch are you serious

TG: everyone knows me

TG: im dave strider

TG: im the king of this game

SO: i definitely don't know you.

TG: then youre missing out

TG: you ever read sweet bro and hella jeff

TG: cause it took me forever to get it from the previous universe to this one

SO: it sounds familiar...

TG: maybe thisll refresh your memory

TG: FUCK IM FALLING DOWN ALL THESE STAIRS

SO: i warned you about stairs bro!

SO: …

SO: i'm sorry, i don't know what came over me.

TG: ill tell you what happened

TG: irony

SO: i don't quite follow

TG: have you ever made something so hilariously bad that it had to be designed that way

TG: only for people to think you were actually serious about it

TG: thats irony

SO: oh!

SO: yeah, i made a movie like that once.

SO: but most of the ironic value came from the guys i was working with.

TG: let me guess

TG: it has to be seen to be believed

SO: you bet!

TG: youll have to show me sometime then

TG: in the meantime

TG: ill be helping you out with this game

TG: but dont worry

TG: i fucking own at this game

* * *

><p>AN: I wrote this yesterday. That was the day I was writing things surprisingly quickly.


	11. Chapter 11

outwardlySmiling [OS] began pestering isolatedSanity [IS] at 23:44

OS: It Appears We've All Successfully Installed The Game Now.

IS: Obviously.

OS: Though It May Be A While Before I Enter The Medium.

OS: Miss Asahina Is Taking Quite A While To Get Used To Modern Technology.

IS: Is there a reason you wanted to speak to me?

OS: It's About Miss Suzumiya.

IS: Of course it is.

OS: The Good News Is That She's Responding To The Nature Of This Game Much Better Than One Would Expect.

OS: The Bad News Is That Her Kernelsprite... The 'Haruhisprite', If You Will, Happens To Possess The Same Abilities As The Original.

IS: …

IS: But the enemies are affected by the prototyping as well, right?

OS: Exactly.

OS: Fortunately, They Are All As Oblivious To This As Miss Suzumiya Herself.

OS: But If Even One Of The Enemies Becomes Aware Of Their Potential...

OS: The Entire Session May Be Doomed.

IS: Does that mean they somehow managed to 'inherit' her obliviousness to these abilities?

OS: I Suppose.

IS: Because Nagato just prototyped her sprite with Ryoko Asakura.

IS: And while she's not quite as powerful as Haruhi...

IS: She's well aware of what she's capable of.

OS: You'd Better Speak To Miss Nagato About That.

OS: I'm Sure She Has Everything Under Control.

* * *

><p>Dave smirked to himself as he lowered his iShades. "I like these guys." He remarked. "They're like us when we started playing this, only faster."<p>

"So far, you've only spoken to one of them." Rose noted. "Though I can't say I've done things any differently."

"Exactly." He nodded. "It's just like how each of us had our own 'patron troll'. We're basically the patrons to these guys."

"At least none of them will get a total bitch for a patron." John muttered.

"But there's four of us and six of them!" Jade reminded them. "So what happens with the last two?"

* * *

><p>terminallyCapricious [TC] began pestering stutteringHeroine [SH] at TIME UNKNOWN<p>

SH: who

SH: who are you

TC: THEY CALL ME LORD ENGLISH.

TC: but you may refer to me by my real name.

SH: and w

SH: and what might that be

TC: GAMZEE MOTHERFUCKING MAKARA.

SH: oh my.

SH: i suppose i should introduce myself

SH: my names

SH: my names mikuru asahina

SH: im just your average time travelling maid

TC: what?

TC: ARE YOU THE FUCKING MAID OF TIME?

SH: it was just a joke

TC: you even type in the same manner. the same hue, even.

TC: WHEN I FIND YOU AGAIN, MARK MY MOTHERFUCKING WORDS.

TC: there won't be anything left to resurrect this time.

terminallyCapricious [TC] ceased pestering stutteringHeroine [SH] at TIME UNKNOWN

* * *

><p>AN: I know I should probably save a reveal like that until later, but I'm sick of Andrew proving me wrong about these things the very next day.

Also, burn in hell, Vriska.


	12. Chapter 12

Gamzee let out a sigh as the screen disappeared in front of him. He had been battling the Maid of Time for thousands of years, and her immortality was really starting to bother him. And finding out that she'd somehow managed to find her way into the universe Jade and her friends created just made him angrier.

"I know what you're thinking, master." Doc Scratch approached him calmly. "But I can assure you that it's just a coincidence. The woman you spoke to will come to be known as the Witch of Heart, and at the time you speak to her she's completely oblivious to this title. When she describes herself as a time-travelling maid, she means it in a much more literal sense."

"I think I understand." He nodded. "Where would I be without an all-seeing officer?"

"I wouldn't know." Scratch chuckled. "Offshoot timelines aren't my department."

The two laughed aloud as the Doc Scratch began to plot against these new heroes in mere picoseconds.

Doc Scratch was a master of multitasking.

* * *

><p>StutteringHeroine [SH] began pestering silentSnowflake [SS] at TIME UNKNOWN<p>

SH: yuki

SS: Is something wrong?

SH: ive just

SH: ive just spoken with someone i dont know

SH: im pretty sure they want

SH: they want to kill me

SS: I will not let that happen.

SS: Did they give you their name?

SH: i think it was gamzee makara

SH: also known as

SH: also known as lord english

SS: Worry not. I think I know somebody who can help.

SH: thanks yuki

SS: I am always willing to help.

stutteringHeroine [SH] ceased pestering silentSnowflake [SS] at TIME UNKNOWN

SS: As a matter of fact, I... Never mind.

* * *

><p>silentSnowflake [SS] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] at TIME UNKNOWN<p>

TT: Hello again.

SS: Are you familiar with the name 'Gamzee Makara'?

SS: Also known as 'Lord English'?

TT: Well that's very direct.

TT: Though I understand your concern.

TT: I might as well make this quick.

TT: Lord English is a demon from the universe before our own.

TT: Though before that, he was Gamzee Makara, a troll from the planet Alternia.

TT: At first, Gamzee seemed completely harmless, not to mention incredibly friendly.

TT: But this was only when he was under the influence of an inedible substance with mind-altering effects.

TT: Gamzee's true self was an unstoppable, psychotic killer.

TT: He was able to kill all remaining trolls save for one: Aradia Megido.

TT: Aradia made quick work of him, but this was quickly revealed to be a trap.

TT: Am I correct in assuming you're familiar with the concept of God Tiers?

SS: You are.

TT: Well, that's exactly what happened to Gamzee. He'd somehow managed to recover his dreamself and his quest bed from impending doom, and so he was able to reach the same level as Aradia.

TT: Last I heard, they were locked in a constant battle across time.

TT: So what might your business with him be?

SS: He threatened a very close friend of mine.

SS: I intend to protect her at all costs.

TT: Then I'm afraid all you can do is pray.

TT: When I said that he was unstoppable, I wasn't exaggerating.

TT: Before you can even reach him, you must dispatch of his minions, each with a unique time-based ability.

TT: There's also an asshole with a cue-ball for a head in there too, but I don't like to talk about him.

SS: Did something happen between you two?

TT: He killed me.

TT: It was indirectly, and I was eventually able to come back, but it's still a touchy subject, as you can imagine.

SS: I can.

SS: Would you like a moment alone?

TT: That would be nice.

silentSnowflake [SS] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] at TIME UNKNOWN

* * *

><p>Rose removed the Hubtopband from her head and sighed. The memories of SBURB saddened her, and the revelation that she was not finished with it even after she'd completed its objective only saddened her further.<p>

Despite this, the single act of John putting his arm around her shoulder improved her mood considerably.

"Is something wrong?" He asked.

She chuckled dryly and hugged him. "You have no idea how lucky you are. Both of us have had to deal with a manipulative psychopath who at some point got us both killed... But eventually, yours died. Mine did as well, but even then his past self continues to plot against us."

John hugged her more tightly. "Don't bother with him. He can only dedicate so much of his life to bothering us."

"Yeah." Dave nodded. "The rest is spent practicing a shit-eating grin that no one can see. And stealing my material."

* * *

><p>AN: Two chapters in a row that finish with a Dave moment. Heck yeah!

Also, congratulations to anyone who guessed that the two surviving trolls would be Pantskat and Larry. I'd have loved to, but the ones I chose are far more important to the story.


	13. Chapter 13

isolatedSanity [IS] began pestering silentSnowflake [SS] at TIME UNKNOWN

IS: I feel that I should apologize for the way I spoke to you earlier.

IS: You really didn't deserve that, especially what you've done for my sister and I.

SS: That is fine.

IS: But there's still one problem...

IS: Won't the enemies affected by this prototyping have the same abilities Asakura had?

SS: …There is a detail regarding that I've been hiding from you for a while now.

SS: Ryoko Asakura was reborn several months ago.

SS: However she was reborn in a form that was only a few inches tall, and as such was completely harmless.

IS: But couldn't she use her data manipulation abilities to get around this?

SS: She did still have access to those. But using them only made her smaller.

IS: And is there an explanation to all of this?

SS: Not that I know of.

SS: Now please excuse me. I have to talk to an unstoppable demon who eats doomed timelines for breakfast.

silentSnowflake [SS] ceased pestering isolatedSanity [IS] at TIME UNKNOWN

IS: ...Good luck?

* * *

><p>silentSnowflake [SS] began pestering terminallyCapricious [TC] at TIME UNKNOWN<p>

TC: WHO THE MOTHERFUCK ARE YOU?

SS: My name is Yuki Nagato.

SS: I believe you threatened one of my friends.

SS: Does the handle 'stutteringHeroine' ring any bells?

TC: oh, her.

TC: I ASSURE YOU, THAT WAS A MISUNDERSTANDING.

TC: as a matter of fact, i was just about to apologize to her.

SS: Oh, really?

SS: If I come back to you in five minutes and you still have not cleared things up with her, I am going to be very angry.

TC: THAT'S MOTHERFUCKING FINE BY ME.

TC: i assure you that everything will be sorted out by then.

SS: I certainly hope so.

silentSnowflake [SS] ceased pestering terminallyCapricious [TC] at TIME UNKNOWN

* * *

><p>"Well, I guess everything is all right again." Kyon sighed as he sent an imp flying off his roof. "Let's just hope things stay that way this time."<p>

His sister frowned, continuing to keep the rest of the game's surprises to herself. "Well... You're getting pretty close to the first gate!" She noted. "Soon you'll be able to see what's below the house. All we need is for Haruhi to put another flight of stairs right..." She thought for a moment and then pointed to a conspicuously empty area of floor. "...Here."

"I thought stairs weren't recommended?" He raised an eyebrow.

"Not at first..." She nodded. "But since then we've gotten a lot of build grist! Probably more than we can..."

Before she could finish, a loud stomping noise was heard behind the two, causing them to turn around.

It was then that Kyon and his sister realized that they were standing face to face with a towering behemoth with two colossal tusks emerging from its mouth and the same prototyping effects that the imps had shown.

"Oh yeah!" Kyon's sister laughed as she nervously scratched her head. "I guess I should've been expecting an ogre encounter!"

* * *

><p>AN: Today I went out for waffles. DON'T TELL MY PARENTS!


	14. Chapter 14

"So how's this going to work?" Kyon wondered nonchalantly. "Does it have a weak point, or is it only vulnerable at certain times, or what?"

"Neither!" His sister laughed. "You just have to attack it until it dies!"

"I can live with that." He shrugged and lifted his hammer, immediately striking the ogre's knee. The behemoth grunted in agony before picking him up and holding him over the abyss, but just as it was about to drop him it felt something pierce one of its eyes.

"I guess demanding you let him go would be a bad idea!" Kyon's sister continued to giggle as she removed a pair of blood-soaked scissors from the ogre's eye socket. "Haruhi, if you could just..."

Meanwhile, down below, Kyon was falling in the most casual manner possible. For some reason, he didn't feel as though he would die this easily, and he was quickly proven correct when Haruhi's cursor dragged a bed underneath him, allowing him to leap back into the house and start the entire climb all over again.

But before he could do so, he noticed that somebody was pestering him via SBURB's chat client. And that was clearly more important than helping his sister battle a fifteen foot monster.

* * *

><p>ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering isolatedSanity [IS] at TIME UNKNOWN<p>

EB: hi.

EB: you're currently fighting an ogre at the moment, but as soon as you're not, do you think you can get back to me?

IS: I'm here now.

EB: good.

EB: your friends have told you about people from another universe messaging them, right?

EB: i'm one of them.

IS: Fair enough...

IS: But how do you know all this?

EB: my girlfriend has a magic cue-ball.

IS: You mean eight ball?

EB: no, this is way more reliable.

EB: anyway, i've come here to warn you about something.

IS: It's not stairs, is it?

IS: …

IS: I'm sorry, that came completely out of the left field.

EB: really?

EB: anyway, that's beside the point. i'm here to warn you about prototypings.

EB: it's already too late to prevent you from prototyping with a first guardian, but...

IS: Wait, wait, wait...

IS: First what now?

EB: it's an entity that exists to protect its planet and facilitate the planet's 'ultimate purpose'.

EB: but you'll probably know her better as 'Haruhi'.

IS: Well, it was bound to be something like that.

IS: You should tell this to Itsuki. His handle's 'outwardlySmiling', and he's from an organization that specializes in trying to find out the origins behind that girl and such.

EB: maybe later. the point is, imps and other enemies aren't the only ones who are affected by these prototypings.

EB: eventually, you'll meet the black queen and/or the white queen, who will each have a ring.

EB: the ring allows whoever wears it to also be affected by the prototyping, but it doesn't affect humans.

EB: in our session, we let it fall into the wrong hands, and that nearly cost us the entire game.

EB: not only should you keep any enemies from finding out about their abilities, but you should probably make sure that they stay with the queens until it's time to destroy them.

IS: Sounds like fun. We already had enough trouble keeping one person from knowing about it.

EB: frankly, i don't even know why she isn't aware of that kind of thing.

EB: though this girl from the universe before mine says we'll find out a lot about her creation soon enough.

IS: I sure hope so. It's been what, a year and a half now?

EB: probably. anyway, i'll see you later!

IS: Bye.

ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering isolatedSanity [IS] at TIME UNKNOWN

* * *

><p>AN: Damn, Homestuck kids. Where did you learn to exposit like that?


	15. Chapter 15

supernaturalObserver [SO] began pestering isolatedSanity [IS] at TIME UNKNOWN

SO: kyon!

SO: it looks like your sister could really use some help!

IS: I was just about to go up and deal with that.

SO: ok fine.

supernaturalObserver [SO] ceased pestering isolatedSanity [IS] at TIME UNKNOWN

* * *

><p>"This is moving even more quickly than I expected..." Yuki noted, nearing her first gate. "While it's true that I knew more about this than I was supposed to in advance, but this is still suspicious."<p>

"How can we be sure Miss Asahina's elder counterpart isn't pulling strings here?" Ryokosprite wondered. "She can be very nervous around you, like her former self. But in this case it's an obvious façade. A ruse, in fact."

"A distaction?" Yuki suggested, her eyes widening as she fully realized what she had just said. "Why do I keep saying things like this?"

"Didn't you say that Kyon and Miss Suzumiya are experiencing something similar?" Ryoko noted. "I'm surprised it wasn't mentioned in your 'walkthrough'."

"It can be particularly frustrating..." Yuki lowered her head. "Especially on top of the voices in my head telling me to 'get my nancho on'..."

* * *

><p>Hella Jeff banged impatiently at his terminal's keyboard, frustrated mostly with his inability to explain how he got to wherever he was.<p>

"donp you hagve any FUNCHING nachonbs?" He cried. "jeygsus butt... how even do you SLEEP AT NITE linke that ahahaaha"

* * *

><p>apocalypseArisen [AA] began pestering outwardlySmiling [OS] at TIME UNKNOWN<p>

OS: I Don't Believe I Know You.

AA: likewise

AA: that is why i intend to introduce myself

AA: my name is aradia megido

AA: i am a troll from the planet alternia

OS: I Think I've Heard Of You From One Of My Friends.

OS: Aren't You One Of The Last Of Your Kind?

AA: …

OS: I'm Terribly Sorry, That Was A Terrible Way To Start A Conversation.

AA: you know ive never actually thought about it that way

AA: while its true that the rest of my race is either dead or a complete monster or both

AA: im still in touch with them

OS: Time Travel, I Presume?

AA: partially

AA: i am also able to visit them in the afterlife at will

OS: That Must Be Very Useful.

AA: quite

AA: anyway i must go now

AA: lord english has found me again

OS: Good Luck.

AA: i wont be needing luck or miracles

apocalypseArisen [AA] ceased pestering outwardlySmiling [OS] at TIME UNKNOWN

* * *

><p>AN: I can't think of any author's notes to close this chapter. Looks like I'll just have to give up on the entire thing.


	16. Chapter 16

terminallyCapricious [TC] began pestering stutteringHeroine [SH] at TIME UNKNOWN

SH: um

TC: LISTEN.

TC: i wanted to apologize for how i spoke to you earlier.

SH: really

TC: YES, REALLY.

TC: there was a misunderstanding earlier.

TC: I THOUGHT YOU WERE SOMEBODY ELSE.

TC: but i hope you can forgive me.

SH: well

SH: okay

* * *

><p>"There we go then." Doc Scratch stood up from his typewriter and put his coat back on. "Although I had some difficulty adjusting to your typing habit, everything else went just fine."<p>

"You've got some real motherfucking class, Scratch." Lord English complimented. "If I had manners like yours, I'd probably be... Fuck, I dunno." He shrugged.

Doc Scratch simply remained silent in response to this. He'd often spend a lot more time than one would think speculating what went on in offshoot timelines, but he dreaded to think of a timeline in which the Felt did not need him.

* * *

><p>outrageousHeiress [OH] began pestering silentSnowflake [SS] at TIME UNKNOWN<p>

OH: nagatochi how much do you know about kernelsprites?

SS: Ask a question about them, and we will see.

OH: ok...

OH: well you know how your sprite died of electrocution and then came back with electricity powers?

OH: and if haruhi is to be believed then kyons sister was killed by a pair of scissors and now she has...

OH: um scissor powers?

SS: It seems that way.

OH: so the sprites have powers relating to how they died?

SS: Not necessarily.

OH: because...

OH: well i haven't mentioned this before but an hour or so ago my maid fell off the roof of my manor and died.

OH: will she have power over gravity or something?

SS: Perhaps.

SS: I may have to consult the previous universe's inhabitants about this.

OH: ok you do that then.

outrageousHeiress [OH] ceased pestering silentSnowflake [SS] at TIME UNKNOWN

* * *

><p>silentSnowflake [SS] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] at TIME UNKNOWN<p>

SS: I have a few more questions. I hope you do not mind.

TT: Of course not. Our purpose in your session is to help you.

TT: So what is it?

SS: Your kernelsprites were granted supernatural abilities with which to assist in battle, correct?

TT: Yes.

SS: And was there a pattern in these abilities?

TT: There was. It was mostly to do with what they did while they were alive.

TT: John prototyped his kernelsprite with the remains of his grandmother, who enjoyed baking.

TT: Because of this, she gained the ability to shoot lasers made from baked goods.

SS: …

TT: And in a doomed timeline, Dave prototyped his kernelsprite with the remains of one of his brother's puppets.

TT: He had a puppet rump beam.

SS: Words fail me... No, reactions fail me.

TT: So what might the pattern be with your sprites?

SS: They seem to have gained powers related to how they died.

SS: For example, my sprite died from electrocution, and now she has electrical powers.

TT: Oh god.

SS: Is there a problem?

TT: I've just realized that our session was completely insane.

TT: Are you sure you're not playing something else? Like Parodius, maybe?

TT: Whatever it is, it makes much more sense than SBURB.

* * *

><p>AN: PUNCHLINE


	17. Chapter 17

"I'm back." Kyon announced as he finished ascending to the highest point of the building. "If anything's happened to my sister, then anything on this roof won't be up here for much longer."

"It's about time!" His sister rolled her eyes. "The ogre's already on his last legs. You might as well just slay him now and claim all the EXP for yourself?"

"EXP?" He raised an eyebrow. "I didn't realize that this was that kind of game. Does it even have a genre?"

"Of course it does!" She grinned. "SBURB is its genre!"

* * *

><p>stutteringHeroine [SH] began pestering outrageousHeiress [OH] at 03:14<p>

SH: i think

SH: i think everythings just about set up so you can enter the medium

OH: great! ^_^

OH: by the way it was so considerate of you to put all those apparati in close proximity!

SH: really

SH: i thought that was just common sense

OH: well it doesnt seem to occur to most players...

OH: i considered it but yukis place was just too cramped.

OH: and there was hardly anything in there in the first place!

SH: well anyway

SH: i just need to put the cruxtruder somewhere right

OH: right.

OH: thanks.

OH: ill be entering the medium now.

SH: ill see you there

outrageousHeiress [OH] ceased pestering stutteringHeroine [SH] at 03:20

* * *

><p>"Hey, John." Dave captured his best friend's attention. "That guy you're speaking to... He also uses hammers, right? Why don't you send him some the codes for some sweet hammers?"<p>

"Because he's rarely using a computer." John shrugged. "You'd think he'd bother to keep at least five with him at all times, like a sensible person."

John's friends glared at him.

And John simply glared back.

"Look, I tried, okay?" He protested. "It's hard to regularly check up on your PDA when your PDA happens to be in your corpse's pocket on a completely different planet, especially when there are much more important things to deal with, like getting the tumor!"

"Which turned out to be a total waste of time..." Rose sighed.

"Whatever." Dave re-adjusted his shades. "I'm going to send some kickass swords to that rich girl with the green hair."

Jade took a moment to look into Junior Compu-Sooth Spectagoggles. "Can you at least wait until she's entered the medium?"

"Fine, fine." He rolled his eyes. "Actually, you can send her the codes. You're her patron, aren't you?"

"You're being awfully strict about this 'patron' thing." Rose noted. "Though I suppose that once again, it would be hypocritical for me to disapprove of this behaviour."

"Exactly." Dave smirked. "I guess there's a little OCD-Complex-Disorder-Disorder-Syndrome-Complex in all of us."

* * *

><p>AN: Can a disorder also be a GAPING HOLE IN YOUR CHEST?


	18. Chapter 18

"Well, it seems like this is going to be an anticlimactic end for you." Kyon advanced casually towards the immobile ogre. "But I guess that's what happens when you miss the majority of a battle."

His sister glanced skyward. "Haruhi must be so disappointed."

* * *

><p>TG: so then johns like<p>

TG: you can see me right

TG: whats wrong with this picture

SO: anreigjty9of

SO: i'm sorry, i just laughed so hard my head hit the keyboard!

TG: my bad

SO: so did she ever put it back?

* * *

><p>"Maybe not." Kyon shrugged. "I'm sure she'd much rather see a ghost battle against an ogre than see an ordinary human like me do it."<p>

"Well..." She mirrored his shrug. "Maybe if she knew the truth...?"

His eyes widened. "...Truth?"

His sister suddenly clapped both hands against her mouth.

"Never mind." He rolled his eyes. "I'm sure I'll find out sooner or later."

"Oh, you will." She nodded. "But you're not supposed to just yet, so don't bother asking John."

"Fine." He leapt into the first gate, his sprite soon following.

* * *

><p>"I've been meaning to ask..." Dave captured his friends' attention. "We're going to be meeting these guys in person, right?"<p>

"That's the plan." John nodded.

"Then won't the whole 'entering the medium' thing be a problem?" He noted. "According to Rose, there are only six copies of SBURB on the entire planet this time, and we all know who's got those..."

"Well obviously I'm going to take care of that!" Jade smiled. "Did you just _forget_ that we all have superpowers?"

"No, I just forgot that we still had a use for them." He dismissed. "Besides Rose constantly pestering that cue ball of hers, nobody seems to be using them any more. I'm sure if I alchemized those time-travelling turntables of mine with a motorcycle, you wouldn't catch me any more than five feet away from that thing."

"Then go and make one." Rose suggested. "You're old enough to drive now, aren't you?"

Dave lowered his shades so that everybody could see his eyes narrowing. "Rose, I seriously doubt I have time to get a license for that kind of thing..."

Rose's eyes narrowed back as her skin suddenly turned a deep shade of gray and back again. "I swear, if you ever say something that stupid again, I will kill you."

* * *

><p>AN: Rose can go grimdark at will. How convenient!


	19. Chapter 19

"Well..." Kyon inspected the new world around him. "I guess this is the Land of Stone and Paper. And it's just as boring as you promised it to be."

"There's just no pleasing you." His sister rolled her eyes. "You're on another planet, for crying out loud! When has that ever happened before?"

"I've been to another dimension." He noted. "Three, in fact."

"Well, consider this your fourth!" She beamed.

"There'd better be a way back." He muttered as he decided to explore the land further. It was just then he found himself nearly tripping over something that didn't appear to be there, and he decided to inspect it more closely. He felt around the area where he'd nearly tripped to find something that was tangible, but invisible. He chose to pick it up and soon a large bipedal chameleon appeared between his hands.

"Put me down!" It hissed. "Do you want it to find me?"

Kyon raised an eyebrow. "'It'?"

"I think it means the planet's denizen." His sister theorized. "Which in this case, would be Antaeus."

"Do not speak its name aloud!" The chameleon cried. "It could come back at any minute!"

"I doubt that." She dismissed. "It shouldn't wake up until Kyon here finds it. Which I won't allow until he's levelled up to the highest potential!"

Kyon rolled his eyes. "What are you, my mother?"

In response to this, she simply looked nervously back and forth. "...Absolutely not..." She insisted.

* * *

><p>"So this is the medium..." Tsuruya stood up and observed her surroundings. "It doesn't look any different."<p>

"It will do later on." Her maid unexpectedly appeared behind her, now in sprite form.

"Shinobu!" Tsuruya quickly turned around and hugged her. "I knew you'd be back! ...But it's still so reassuring to see you."

"I'm glad to be back too." She smiled warmly. "So... Do you have a weapon in mind yet?"

The heiress laughed uproariously for what felt like the first time in over a month. "You _know _I have! You _know _it!" She displayed a katana with a dark green hilt and a crane etched onto the blade. "Actually, I can't think of many other options, really. I _was _considering one of the pool cues in the games room, but then I decided that that would be incredibly silly. So I went for this priceless family heirloom instead! Don't tell dad!"

"About that..." The sprite nervously shifted her eyes. "Your father's back on Earth right now. He's perfectly safe, but he's incredibly worried about you."

"Well... Can I go back?" She raised an eyebrow. "Tell him everything's okay?"

"Not yet." Shinobu dismissed. "Not for a while. And when you do..." She stopped. "But please, Lady..."

"You know how much I hate it when you call me that!" Tsuruya interrupted. "Why can't you just call me by my real name?"

Since before she was able to speak, Tsuruya had wanted to know the name of every chef, butler and nurse working at her family's mansion. Two years after uttering her first word, she was close friends with every single one of them. She didn't want to come off as arrogant. She treated the workers as equals, and in turn wished for them to treat her as an equal.

"Very well then." The maid nodded. "But the point is that you'll just have to be patient for now."

"Fine." Tsuruya's smile quickly began to reappear. "Now where are those imps? After 320 years, this blade's probably _itching _for some bloodshed!"

A/N: Meanwhile, Yuki's finally given in to the demands for her to get her nancho on.


	20. Chapter 20

ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering supernaturalObserver [SO] at TIME UNKNOWN

SO: hey, i think i've heard of you!

SO: aren't you one of dave's friends?

EB: wow, you're pretty quick on the draw there.

EB: yes, i'm one of dave's friends.

EB: but that's not what i came here to talk about.

EB: do you have any method whatsoever of contacting kyon at the moment?

SO: i'm afraid not.

SO: but i will see him again, won't i?

EB: of course you will!

EB: as a matter of fact, by the looks of things he'll be entering his second gate in a few minutes.

EB: which should lead to your house.

SO: wait, are you serious?

SO: this game allows him to snoop around my house and do whatever he wants?

EB: well yeah... but i doubt he'll do anything too outrageous.

EB: besides, aren't you two already... you know?

supernaturalObserver [SO] ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at TIME UNKNOWN

* * *

><p>"Welp..." John put his PDA back in his pocket. "Dave's been gone for thirty seconds now. When a time-traveller does that, you know something's wrong."<p>

"He's probably just trying to catch us off guard." Rose theorized. "Any minute now, he'll..."

Just then, Dave appeared out of nowhere on a bright red motorcycle with a flaming trail and wheels painted to resemble records, yelling "BAOOOAM!" at the top of his lungs.

"I told you so." She rolled her eyes.

"Whow were you expecting, Eintein?" He smirked. "The thooth fairy? 'Nuff said."

Meanwhile, Jade was making a high pitched squeal which Dave assumed was her voicing her approval for the bike.

"So I've been taking lessons for six months now." He clarified. "I haven't really been keeping track of my age since this weird time shit started, but I think it's safe to say I'm at least two years older than all of you now."

* * *

><p>"Kyon's never been to my house before..." Haruhi muttered. "I never invited him, he never asked... But I went to his place all the time..."<p>

"Is this _really _the time for this?" Haruhisprite complained. "You're not that far from your first gate now! Just a little more climbing and you can hack apart the ogre and jump in!"

"No." Her original counterpart decided. "I'll wait here until he arrives. We've got some serious talking to do."

* * *

><p>AN: "But SiFi, why did you give Dave a time-travelling motorcycle?"

...Do I really need to answer that?


	21. Chapter 21

"Hey..." Kyon suddenly noticed a bright orange light and decided to run over to it. "I think I see the second gate. Where does that one lead again?"

"That goes to the Land of Sky and Dreams." His sister reminded him. "Haruhi's planet!"

"Right, of course." He shrugged. "So I guess I'd better jump in..."

And with great hesitation, he did just that.

* * *

><p>terminallyCapricious [TC] began pestering stutteringHeroine [SH] at TIME UNKNOWN<p>

TC: IT SEEMS IT WON'T BE LONG BEFORE YOU ENTER THE MEDIUM.

SH: thats

SH: thats right

TC: you seem like the kind of person who could easily pacify the enemies.

SH: really

TC: YES.

TC: as a matter of fact, that's exactly what i did.

SH: im

SH: im impressed

TC: YOU MOTHERFUCKING SHOULD BE.

TC: of course, this was before i realized my true potential as alternia's subjugglator

SH: i dont think i understand this terminology

TC: THE CLOSEST YOUR PLANET SEEMS TO HAVE TO A SUBJUGGLATOR IS AN EMPEROR.

SH: and alternia is your home planet

TC: right.

SH: i see

SH: well i must be going now

TC: I'LL SEE YOU PRETTY MOTHERFUCKING SOON.

SH: ok

stutteringHeroine [SH] ceased pestering terminallyCapricious [TC] at TIME UNKNOWN

* * *

><p>"Kyon!" Haruhi leapt back in shock. "I've... been expecting you!"<p>

"I can tell by your reaction." He remarked. "Your Kernelsprite, I presume?"

"That's me." Haruhisprite waved.

"Well then I'll try to make this as quick as possible. The sooner I find the next gate, the quicker you can forget I was snooping around in your house.

Haruhi stared blankly at him. "...Right." She nodded. "By the way, a friend of yours wanted to speak to you earlier. John, was it?" She shrugged. "If you take this, he'll be able to keep up with you, and you'll even be able to help Itsuki enter the medium." She produced a laptop in the likeness of Bill Cosby. "Blame Yuki for the design."

"Riiight..." He nervously accepted the Cosbytop. "I suppose I should keep something like this with me at all times." He opened it up and booted up Haruhi's copy of SBURB, taking a moment to log into his own account.

* * *

><p>isolatedSanity [IS] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at TIME UNKNOWN<p>

IS: You wanted to speak to me?

EB: yes.

EB: you know the design on eacch of the gates you enter in this game?

IS: Yes?

EB: well if you find a circular panel with that design on it, step on it.

EB: it takes you somewhere really important.

EB: if i recall correctly, the one i found was in a cave on my server player's planet.

IS: I'll try to keep an eye out for caves then.

EB: you do that.

isolatedSanity [IS] ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at TIME UNKNOWN

* * *

><p>AN: It's time to play PRETEND SOMETHING HAPPENED IN TODAY'S CHAPTER.


	22. Chapter 22

"Guys!" Jade called excitedly. "In a few minutes, we'll be able to get into the medium with everyone else! I just need to do some more tinkering, and then a huge shiny gateway will open and we can all get in!"

"That's an awful lot of technical jargon." Rose noted. "Not even I could understand such sophisticated terminology."

"You don't have to understand how it works." She ignored Rose's sarcasm. "I mean, there's hardly any explanation for these powers in the first place besides that weird time loop John created."

"Yeah, that was pretty confusing." John chuckled wearily. "Makes you wonder who these kid's parents will turn out to be."

* * *

><p>"I guess I should input that code John just sent me." Kyon stood up from the Cosbytop and tapped Haruhi on the shoulder. "Where do you keep your alchemy-type equipment?"<p>

"It's in the living room." She answered nonchalantly.

"What, all of it?" He began to look skeptical.

"Silly Kyon!" She playfully slapped him on the back. "One of the kids from that other universe knows a way to combine all that complicated machinery into one neat little package! He fucking owns at this game."

Kyon stared blankly at her for a while. "I don't think I've ever heard you use that word before. As a matter of fact, I don't think I've heard anyone in the Brigade use it. Except for that incident with Miss Asahina."

"Yeah, that was unexpected, but hilarious." Haruhi giggled quietly. "I'd wish I could hear it again before I die."

Kyon rolled his eyes in a mixture between confusion and disgust. "I'll be going now." He decided.

* * *

><p>"BAOOOAM!" Dave burst through the newly created gateway to the medium on his Timecycle, as he had planned to for months now. The others followed slowly behind, Jade still being the only one who was visibly impressed by Dave's antics.<p>

"Oh, hey guys!" Tsuruya waved to them from another platform. "This is the land of Marble and Frogs! And I have no idea why!"

Jade nervously tugged at her collar. "Oh, those will be pretty important later on. You might want to keep an eye on them."

"Will do!" The heiress burst into laughter once more. This game was incredibly silly, and there was no way in hell it could suddenly take a turn for the worse what even are you talking about.

* * *

><p>"Well..." Kyon glanced over towards an important looking cave. "This cave looks important enough to be the one John was talking about. And if it isn't, then at least I'll have somewhere to hide from these newly prototyped imps."<p>

"You're not scared of lions, are you Kyon?" His sister teased.

"Not as much as the fact that Miss Asahina apparently has a lion... Um... _Lying _around for her to prototype." He rushed inside the cave, not even noticing that he had stepped on the circular panel that John had also told him about.

* * *

><p>AN: And there he goes... I told him, dog. I told him about teleporters.


	23. Chapter 23

When Kyon finally woke up, his sister was nowhere to be found, but it didn't take him long at all to realize why this was.

He was in that strange purple dream world again. And Yuki was there, as she occasionally would be.

"There's no real hurry for you to wake up at the moment." She stated. "I suggest you take some time to explore this place." She flew out the window, and Kyon found himself hesitantly following.

"This is the moon of Derse." She continued to explain. "Derse is one of the two kingdoms in the Incipisphere, the other being Prospit. The two kingdoms have been at war for a long time, though this has gotten nowhere until recently."

"...I've heard this before." He realized. "...Yeah, I remember now. That's the backstory for this game my sister provided. So... Does this mean...?"

"It does." She nodded. "This so-called 'dream world' exists on the same plane of reality as the rest of the medium. Each player has two separate 'selves'. When one falls asleep, the other wakes up on the moon of either Derse or Prospit." She flew towards a tower resembling the one they had recently exited. "You and I share residence on Derse's moon with Miss Tsuruya, though she does not yet appear to have fully awoken."

"I see..." He placed a hand to his chin. "Is that all?"

"Not yet." She dismissed. "There is something in my tower you must see." She escorted Kyon to the aforementioned location, where he found that she too had writing plastered across her walls. Unlike in his tower, however, the writing didn't appear to have any rhyme or reason. It was simply the letters in the word 'snow' written in a seemingly random order.

"This will be very important later on." She claimed. "You needn't memorize every detail of it, but it has been transcribed onto this notepad, which I suggest I keep with you as often as possible." She handed the notepad in question to him.

"Thank you." Kyon struggled to find a pocket to put it in before reluctantly deciding to use his sylladex, the nature of which he still didn't understand. Assuming his business was done here, he decided to make his way back to his own tower, but before he could do so he was unexpectedly awoken regardless.

* * *

><p>As Kyon finally finished recollecting his senses, he thought he noticed a pitch black figure clad in yellow scurrying away from the corner of his eye, but he eventually decided to ignore it. The next thing he noticed was that his sister was missing, but something deep down insisted on not letting it bother him.<p>

When he finally stood up, he was quick to notice a large terminal shaped like SBURB's logo next to one of the walls. Curious, he pressed one of the buttons, and a screen in the upper right corner came on. It seemed to display his hometown, Nishinomiya, though it was missing certain details that had been added within the last four years. Kyon zoomed in to find what appeared to be himself and his younger sister walking down the street. Within a few moments, a target had been locked over his sister, and the next thing Kyon knew, his hand was looming over a blue button in the center of the terminal's control panel.

With little clue as to what he was doing, he pressed it, and across the room a translucent green shape was created resembling his sister, which soon melted into a shapeless pile before being sucked into a glass tube. Kyon eventually chose to disregard it and returned his attention to the terminal, where he and his sister now appeared to be spending time with their grandfather. He soon pressed the button again, and the process was repeated, but this time the green slime appeared in the shape of his grandfather.

Upon realizing that nothing else was going to happen on this screen, Kyon pressed a button on the side of the control panel, not too far from the first one he pressed, and another screen flickered on. On this screen was what appeared to be an alien creature with gray skin and two colossal horns. The being had an unfocused gaze, a black t-shirt displaying the zodiac sign for Capricorn, and a hairstyle belonging to the kind of person who would look in a mirror one morning and think 'Gay mother of shit, I lonk like balls warmed oveur.' and then not bother to do anything about it. Kyon hesitantly pressed the blue button once more, and as expected another imprint was collected into one of the glass tubes.

Kyon quickly switched the view to one of the other screens, wanting to forget the creature he had seen as soon as possible, and as a result was greeted with a considerably more pleasant sight.

The screen displayed a young girl no older than thirteen, with circular glasses, black hair and protruding teeth, in what appeared to be a snowy environment. It appeared that this was the first time the girl had seen such weather, as she was dressed for a considerably warmer climate and she seemed to be observing the snow with childlike wonder. Kyon pressed the blue button and created another imprint before moving onto the next screen, which displayed two familiar characters.

Mori and Arakawa, two of Itsuki's associates, appeared to be in a private meeting with Tsuruya, and Itsuki himself was barely noticeable in the background. This time, the camera didn't appear to be focused on anybody in particular, and when Kyon pressed the button imprints of all four people were created separately.

The view changed once more, this time to an unfamiliar yet obviously alien world, where despite the bright, multicolored sky, heavy rain was falling as far as the eye could see. In the middle of the screen was a blonde haired girl, roughly the same age as the girl he'd seen two screens earlier, with pale skin and a knitting needle in each hand. Kyon was quick to press the button and move on, slowly growing tired of this exercise, though the person displayed on the next screen soon made him wish he hadn't been so hasty.

Ryoko Asakura was standing as still as a doll inside an empty classroom, presumably waiting for Kyon's younger self to arrive so that she could kill him. Kyon pressed the button once more before hastily moving on to the last screen, where the face that greeted him was still unpleasant, but was still a breath of fresh air compared to the one he'd just encountered.

"So I guess this is it?" He asked himself. "I just have to clone Sasaki and get out of here? Well this seems to have been incredibly pointless."

He pressed the button one last time and turned to face the glass tubes, all of which had now been filled. Now that they were full, an automated sequence began to execute.

Before Kyon could fully process what had happened, eight young 'paradox clones' were created, each one resembling the figures shown on the terminals, only much younger. The ones he didn't recognize, most notably the gray-skinned alien boy, seemed to be conspicuously absent.

Kyon turned back to the terminal and noticed that there was one last button on the far right that hadn't been pushed, and, assuming it was just as important as the others, he chose to press it. He turned around once more to see the effect, and soon found that two imprints had been combined to create a new one, and the process soon repeated until there were five new imprints, Sasaki's tube still untouched for the moment.

Within moments, the imprints produced four new 'paradox clones', and each one was even more familiar to Kyon than the last batch.

The imprints of the gray-skinned alien boy and the bespectacled girl had combined to create a child resembling Tsuruya.

The imprints of Mori and Arakawa had combined to create a child resembling Itsuki.

The imprints of Ryoko and the unfamiliar blonde haired girl had combined to create a child resembling Yuki.

The imprints of Itsuki and Tsuruya had combined to create a child resembling Mikuru.

And most bizarrely, the imprints of Kyon's sister and his grandfather had combined to create a child resembling Kyon himself.

Kyon rolled his eyes. "Not pictured: Coherency."

And yet the confusion was not over.

"Please input 'SNOW' code." An electronic voice chirped, drawing Kyon's attention to a considerably smaller machine next to Sakaki's tube. Although there didn't appear to be anything with which to input the code in question, there was a slot just the right size for the notepad Yuki had given him, which for some reason was still resting in his sylladex. He quickly produced the booklet and placed it into the slot, which predictably lead to another automated sequence. This one resulted in one last child being created, this one resembling Haruhi.

Kyon quickly moved away from the machine, as well as the babies, and pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration. "_Please _tell me that's the end of it." He sighed.

Without warning, the entire laboratory began to shake violently, and Kyon quickly turned his attention to a group of circular pads similar to the ones that had gotten him here. Realizing that the first priority was the babies, he escorted each of them to a separate pad before returning to the one he had originally woken up on.

The children were sent back. Those who found them, confused as all hell.

Regardless, they each somehow knew that it was their duty to raise this child, and would do so for the next four years.

* * *

><p>AN: END OF ACT 1. Take that, Hussie! I'm faster than you!

Also, these chapters are so SHORT. TT_TT

* * *

><p>AN: Almost forgot to show Mikuru's birth. I figured that might be important.


	24. Chapter 24

Andrew Hussie finished reading the first act of this story and gave a long, irritated sigh.

"It figures that you'd eventually just ignore all canon." He rolled his eyes. "Every Homestuck fanfic does it." He let a sarcastic chuckle escape his lips. "I bet you thought I wouldn't find this one, didn't you?" His mirth became louder and louder. "You forget that my psychic powers allow me to commune with all the animes! _All _of them! Especially Discworld."

Little did he know that the Haruhi anime is an inferior adaptation to a series of novels!

Andrew looked up at the line above this one. "Is it, now?" He placed a hand to his chin and hummed thoughtfully. "My psychic powers must be somewhat rusty then. Ms. Paint!"

The Prospitan artist rushed excitedly into his study. "Yes, Mister Hussie?"

"I need to re-tune my psychic powers." He explained. "Think of a number between one and Excel Saga."

Ms. Paint closed her eyes and complied as a faint humming sound enveloped the room.

Andrew squinted as he became closer and closer to guessing. "It's..." He paused for suspense. "My Little Pony!" His eyes narrowed. "That cheap-ass Squiddles ripoff that's been so popular these days. Ms. Paint, I'm disappointed in you."

"Sorry, Mister Hussie." She glanced down in shame. "I'll just... I'll get you some of those arrow candies you love so much."

"That'd be nice." He smiled calmly.

Meanwhile, Ryan North was watching Andrew from outside whilst working on the latest episode of Dinosaur Comics.

"This comic is so hard to draw!" He complained. "I may have to delay this episode by a day!"

Dramatic sting!

"Oh, wait, what was I writing again?" He looked back down at his notepad. "Oh, yeah. Dinosaur Comics. I can draw dinosaurs!"

Meanwhile, the _real_ Andrew Hussie (the one who had a cameo in Problem Sleuth) was watching Ryan from a distance.

"Oh, how I wish Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff were that easy to make." He lamented.

Back in Andrew's study, Homestuck's Andrew Hussie was writing a long and detailed review explaining why _The Ascension of Haruhi Suzumiya _was an insult to both series involved. And by 'long and detailed', I mean it just says 'It ignores canon established after the story was first created'. Stay tuned for the sequel!

* * *

><p>AN: Fun fact: I met someone on a forum who thought MLP was an anime.


	25. Chapter 25

Kyon knew he couldn't keep an important revelation like this one to himself. As soon as he was back on Haruhi's planet, he rushed back to her house to tell her what he'd learned...

Only to find that she was no longer there.

* * *

><p>isolatedSanity [IS] began pestering supernaturalObserver [SO] at TIME UNKNOWN<p>

IS: You left?

SO: well, yeah...

SO: i'd already found the first gate, what else was i supposed to do?

IS: I... Never mind.

IS: It's just that I've learned something really important about this game, as well as everyone playing.

* * *

><p>Haruhi moved closer and closer to her computer screen as Kyon continued to explain what he had discovered. Occasionally, she'd have to ask him to slow down or repeat certain details, but in the end she understood.<p>

* * *

><p>SO: so i was the only one cloned from just one guy?<p>

IS: It looks like it.

SO: i wonder why... and i wonder why it was HER of all people.

SO: as a matter of fact, none of these make sense!

SO: yuki's a clone of ryoko and some girl we don't know?

SO: and tsuruya... don't get me started on tsuruya!

IS: I don't intend to.

IS: Maybe I should ask Nagato about this. Give me a minute.

* * *

><p>SS: Well, I was not given the full details on this, but I think Rose might know something. If I may have a minute...<p>

* * *

><p>TT: ...<p>

TT: Yuki...

TT: If those descriptions your friend gave are accurate, then that means, amongst other insane revelations, that I am your mother.

SS: …

TT: I know.

TT: But that's not the bad news.

SS: Of course not.

TT: The bad news is that one of your other friends... Tsuruya was it? Anyway, she was apparently cloned from Lord English.

SS: As in... Unstoppable timeline-eating demon Lord English?

TT: Unless you're able to name another example.

TT: But as it happens, she's standing a mere few feet away from me, and as you're probably aware, she's nothing like him.

TT: Or at least, nothing like his murderous side.

SS: I see. And what about the other girl she was cloned from?

TT: That would be my friend Jade. It seems that Miss Tsuruya inherited much more from her than she did from Gamzee.

TT: But it seems, as was the case in our session, that these shocking revelations are nothing more than just that, and if anyone besides the ectobiologist were to be completely oblivious, very little would change.

TT: Now if you'll excuse me, I must be going now.

tentacleTherapist [TT] ceased pestering silentSnowflake [SS] at TIME UNKNOWN

SS: Farewell for now... Mother.

* * *

><p>AN: Ryoko doesn't count.


	26. Chapter 26

"Is something wrong?" Ryoko nervously approached Yuki. "You haven't moved from that computer in a while."

"You are aware now of our true origins, are you not?" Yuki said.

"I've actually been aware of them for a while." The sprite admitted.

"And yet you do not seem to realize the implications this brings." She said. "It means that we were not created by the Entity. We both have a _family _now... Though perhaps that means more to me than it would to you."

"It probably does." Ryoko nodded. "Though I must admit, if I were human and I had parents who behaved like the Entity, I'd be running for the nearest orphanage. And before you ask, yes, I just compared you to a human."

Yuki finally closed her laptop and shrugged. "I honestly don't mind." She said.

* * *

><p>"No, no, no..." Doc Scratch held a hand to where his chin would be. "This will not do at all."<p>

"What's up?" Lord English raised an eyebrow.

"Well, as you're already aware, I'm omniscient." He said. "I know everything. But it seems that the things I know are _changing_..."

"Whoa."

"Quite." He nodded. "It seems that I'm learning a little more of what's _supposed _to be happening day by day. For example... Did you know that all four of the human children were supposed to have ascended to Godhood?"

Gamzee shuddered at the thought.

"I can't even be sure if you were my master in that particular universe." Scratch continued. "But it seems that that infernal author is involved."

"You don't mean..."

"I do." Doc Scratch summoned a screen into the room displaying none other than Andrew Hussie.

* * *

><p>"Oh look, Itsuki's entered." Kyon said nonchalantly. "And he decided to prototype the kernelsprite with Mr. Kung-fu Butler himself. I guess I'd better get that hammer John told me about."<p>

He moved towards Haruhi's upgraded alchemiter and punched in the code he was given. He continued to regard the machine with interest as it did its work, only for it to reveal the amount of grist required for such an item.

* * *

><p>IsolatedSanity [IS] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at TIME UNKNOWN<p>

IS: One ZILLION?

EB: oh yeah...

EB: i kind of forgot about that, but i can easily send you that much! let me just...

* * *

><p>Several minutes afterwards, Kyon was able to create the Warhammer of Zillyhoo.<p>

Two seconds afterwards, Kyon and his sister were on the floor crying tears of joy.

* * *

><p>AN: It's never too early for Zillyhoo.


	27. Chapter 27

A/N: I started this after the second intermission and intended to finish the same day. In case it isn't clear, the below is in response to the intermission in question:

* * *

><p>Doc Scratch was in hysterics.<p>

He refused to explain why, and even denied that anything was wrong at all. But Gamzee could clearly tell that something was wrong.

Why else would he be asking questions unless they were rhetorical?

* * *

><p>You.<br>SO: what the...?  
>This is all your fault, isn't it?<br>SO: are you... oh, i see now.  
>SO: i can still read that you know!<br>SO: it's just really annoying to have to highlight it all the time.  
>So I've been told. Now, would you care to explain to me exactly what is going on here?<br>SO: um... define "here".  
>Everything I know is changing. When you know everything, that's especially unpleasant.<br>SO: when you say you know EVERYTHING...  
>Be quiet. I'm trying to think.<br>What would you do if your sole purpose in life was to serve an all-powerful being, only to find out that you may have been serving the wrong all-powerful being all this time?  
>SO: wait.<br>SO: you're mad at me over problems with your religion?  
>SO: i mean, i'm sure that's terrible to go through, but why me?<br>SO: is there something i do in the future that causes this?  
>No... I know exactly when this began.<br>It began not too long after the first disc ended.  
>SO: are you talking about SBURB?<br>SO: i'm pretty sure that only has one disc.  
>Not SBURB. Though they're closely related.<br>Now that I think about it, there's really no need for you to be more involved with this than you've already been. I'll be going now.  
>SO: bye! thanks for explaining everything so clearly!<p>

* * *

><p>The Land of Thought and Ice. When Yuki first arrived on this planet, she wondered how it could be based partially on such a concept as thought.<p>

Then she constantly found herself getting lost in it. Apparently, her latest aimless wandering was so bad that she had somehow managed to lose Ryokosprite.

But on the bright side, Kyon seemed to be just a few yards away.

"Oh, hi." He waved casually. "I didn't see you there. I was..."

"Lost in thought?" She suggested.

"That." He nodded. "Speaking of which... You wouldn't happen to have seen my sister, would you?"

Yuki looked to her left. "I believe she's currently diving in your direction with great urgency."

Kyon looked in the same direction to find exactly what she had described. Within moments, he was lying on the ground, having narrowly dodged a bolt of lightning.

"Hello there, Kyon!" Ryoko said as she mockingly blew smoke off her fingers. "It's good to see you're still alive!"

"It is, isn't it?" He stood up and readied the Warhammer of Zillyhoo. "Bring it, bitch."

* * *

><p>AN: HAVE YOU EVER WONDERED WHAT COLOR EVERYONE TYPES IN?

Well, Haruhi types in black, because I've recently decided that she's the opposite of Doc Scratch and because that's her hair color in the novels. Likewise, everyone else's font matches their hair color, save for Mikuru who types in dark red (which is still pretty close) solely so that Gamzee can mistake her for Aradia.


	28. Chapter 28

A/N: _How __I __Conquered__ the __World _and _Yuki __Nagato__'__s __Journal _will be on hiatus for a while. In other news, rrrr.

* * *

><p>ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering apocalypseArisen [AA] at TIME UNKNOWN<p>

EB: aradia! i almost forgot!  
>AA: yes?<br>EB: you said we'd learn more about haruhi after she was created.  
>EB: according to miss tsuruya, that happened a few minutes ago or so.<br>EB: but i don't think i've learned anything about why she doesn't know she's a first guardian.  
>AA: well<br>AA: after she was created how far back do you think she was sent?  
>EB: four years?<br>AA: and why is that?  
>EB: because that's when we made her univ... oh.<br>EB: ohhhhhhhh.  
>AA: exactly<br>AA: although becquerel still had the mentality of a dog when you knew him he was still able to learn the ins and outs of his abilities during the 413 million years leading up to then  
>AA: haruhi hasnt had that long<br>EB: and doc asshole doesn't count because he knew everything from the start!  
>AA: of course!<br>AA: ...you only pointed that out because you wanted to call him an asshole again didnt you?  
>EB: pretty much.<p>

* * *

><p>Neither Kyon nor Ryoko wasted any time. Before Yuki could even comprehend what was happening, the two were literally at each other's throats and ready to kill.<p>

"That hammer..." Yuki said, capturing the attention of Kyon's sister. "It's beautiful."

"It is, isn't it?" She nodded casually. "He got it from one of the guys from the other universe. Maybe you could ask them for something like it?"

"I have already received such an offer from them." Yuki said. "I prefer to use my own natural abilities over weapons."

The conversation would have continued further, but instead the two were interrupted by the sound of Kyon and Ryoko screaming at one another.

"You can't win, Kyon!" She taunted. "At this point in the game, the sprites are _designed_to be stronger than the players!"

Moments later, she found the Warhammer of Zillyhoo colliding with the side of her head. Again.

"The game obviously didn't count on me getting one of these." Kyon retorted. "Forged in fire by the smiths of Pipplemop! Commissioned by the sage Lord of Wozzinjay Fiefdom in the Realm of the Snargly Fruzmigbubbins! Not even you can deny its magnificence!"

Yuki had been planning to intervene for a while should things get too out of hand. But it wasn't until now that she was actually beginning to worry. So when Ryoko was finally on the ground and at Kyon's mercy, Yuki suddenly found herself standing defiantly between the two of them.

"I hope you two have enjoyed your 'counselling'." She said. "But this is as far as it goes." She turned so that she was specifically facing Kyon. "Ryoko is my mother..." She turned again so that she was now facing Ryoko. "And he is my best friend. I will not let either of you harm the other any further than you already have."

* * *

><p>AN: That's right. Yuki's now an auspistice between Kyon and Ryoko.

The best thing about this chapter is that it can go with the track "Nagato vs. Asakura" from Haruhi, or "Knife's Edge" from Homestuck!

* * *

><p>Last minute AN: This chapter is dedicated to linkhyrule5 for proving that yes, people still read my stories!


	29. Chapter 29

A/N: Wait, is "ascension" a real word? My spellcheck seems to be okay with it, but I think I should change the title to "ascent".

* * *

><p>"Hey, it's your first gate!" Dave pointed Tsuruya towards the portal in question. "Just don't let Rose near it. She has a tendency to..." He placed his hands together only to bring them as far apart as they would go, imitating an explosion as he did so.<p>

"That only happened once!" Rose protested. "Now, I suggest we get going before I share some stories on Dave's terrible prototyping choices."

Dave quickly agreed to get going.

* * *

><p>Hello there.<br>SH: is  
>SH: is that you gamzee<br>Close. He and I are good friends.  
>SH: i see<br>SH: um  
>SH: by which i mean i can see what youre writing now<br>I know what you mean.  
>Anyway, I'm here because Lord English wanted me to deliver a message.<br>SH: couldnt  
>SH: couldnt he do it himself<br>He felt that I was able to phrase it better.  
>He would like you to sabotage this session of SBURB.<br>SH: Well excuse me, but just why would I do that?  
>Because it's for you and your friends' own good.<br>You don't have to endanger them. You only have to convince them that returning to Earth is the only option.  
>Believe me when I say they don't know what they're getting into.<br>SH: why  
>SH: what are we getting into<br>There's a creature... A demon, if you will, that has manipulated this game and all that happens within it.  
>It's too late to change anything so your only hope is to escape.<br>Lastly, you must keep me and my instructions a secret from your fellow players. I suggest you start by closing this window. Your friends are about to arrive.

* * *

><p>"Hi, Mikuru!" Tsuruya suddenly placed a hand on Mikuru's shoulder, causing her to jump in shock. "What are you up to?"<p>

"Um..." Mikuru looked back at her computer screen and quickly closed the window. "Nothing important..."

"If you say so!" Tsuruya laughed uproariously. "Hey, did you know that I'm your mom now?" She went silent. "...Now that I've thought more about it, that's really awkward."

"I guess it is..." She nodded. The truth was that Mikuru had been told that Tsuruya was her ancestor before she had even travelled to the past. The knowledge that they were more closely related than that really didn't mean much to her, but she hoped that Tsuruya would now stop flirting with her now that they were both aware of their relation to one another.

Jade shifted her feet uncomfortably. "I guess that makes me your grandma. I guess I should've seen something like that coming, since my penpal is my grandson from the future..."

"But doesn't that mean that her grandpa is Lord English?" John said. "I hate time shenanigans."

Mikuru didn't respond.

* * *

><p>AN: You'd better not shout, you'd better not cry, you'd better not pout and I'm telling you why: Lord English is already in town.


	30. Chapter 30

A/N: By changing the title, I have now officially ruined everything about this forever.

* * *

><p>"So this is your sprite..." Rose closely inspected Mikuru's guide and protector. "It reminds me of my own..." She closed her eyes tightly as she struggled not to remember the second death of her beloved cat.<p>

"My name is Infysprite." It introduced. "Originally, I was from a race known as the Infinity Lions, but then I got lost and landed on Earth. Although I was only a fraction of my original size, I was able to survive thanks to Mikuru's care."

"That's quite an introduction." Dave said. "I liked the part where you'd already told us your name but still insisted on continuing."

Infysprite shrugged. "It's a sprite's job to provide exposition. Some completely useless trivia can't hurt."

"Except when you can't tell what's important from what's not." He shrugged back.

"Now, now... Play nice, you two." Mikuru said timidly.

* * *

><p>stutteringHeroine [SH] began pestering silentSnowflake [SS] at TIME UNKNOWN<p>

SH: Hello there, Yuki.

SS: You must be from a few years in the future.

SH: I had a feeling you'd guess that straight away.

SH: Anyway, I'm here with a warning.

SS: Go on.

SH: I can't tell you who, but someone is trying to sabotage our session.

SS: ...I see.

SH: They don't intend to harm us. They've been convinced that returning to Earth is our only option, and will try to make us believe the same.

SH: But this is not the case. We have to continue playing this game until the end.

SS: This saboteur...

SS: You are referring to your former self, are you not?

SH: ...That's classified information.

SS: I am going to assume that it is you for the time being.

SH: ...They have no ill intentions. They honestly think that they're doing the right thing.

SH: But you still have to stop them.

SS: But of course.

SS: I hope to see you later.

SH: Goodbye.

silentSnowflake [SS] ceased pestering stutteringHeroine [SH] at TIME UNKNOWN

* * *

><p>"What's this?" An question mark appeared over Doc Scratch's 'face'. "It seems that something that I should know of is happening outside of my field of vision. No matter. It'll all be clear in a matter of seconds." He briefly concentrated. "What's this?" He asked again. "Am I being... Blocked?"<p>

Snowman shrugged apathetically. "I dunno. Why would that happen?"

"I suppose it could be..." He theorized. "If there exists a being powerful enough to hide certain events from me, then it stands to reason that it would also be able to hide its identity, as well as its very existence, from me... But that doesn't make this any less worrying."

* * *

><p>AN: Today I bought another volume of the Haruhi-Chan manga. The cover depicted Yuki sitting at a laptop, saying "this is a brilliant story", with Achakura and Kimidori looking incredibly confused.

Does this mean they're aware of my writings?


	31. Chapter 31

A/N: You know who we haven't heard from in a while?

* * *

><p>Hella Jeff decided that he'd finally had enough with his terminal. No matter who he spoke to, or what he told them to do, the only response he received was mild confusion followed by a shrug.<p>

"who GIVES a fuck about thempf..." He rolled his eyes. "itst TIME... to **explo**ar this dunkhole"

He made his way to the next room, only to turn around and bang his head against the wall in fustration.

Inside the room was another terminal, this one with an ugly hornses ass dressed in red standing in front of it.

"LOSTEN to me!" He cried. "im' your GORDUAN ANGLE! ...possibibly"

"YAOR an angel?" Hella Jeff laughed. "with that HUGE BUTT and your INCREDIBUBLY SHITTY BEARD"

The man in red simply glared at him.

"whoa clam down dude..." Hella Jeff's laughter died down. "wE just got foot on the WRONG OFF. im... HELLA JEFF. whatsts YOUR N**AME****?**?"

"im SWEET BRO" He leaned on the terminal so as to appear cooler than he actually was. "how aboUT A BRO HUG BUNP"

Hella Jeff opened his arms in acceptance. "wer'e DOING THIS MAN

Sweet Bro did the same. "where m_ak__**on**_**g ****t**his happen..."

It was pretty great.

* * *

><p>For some reason, Haruhi couldn't shake the feeling that she was supposed to be lostening to someone.<p>

Despite this, the only other living being for miles was her sprite, who seemed unusually quiet for some reason.

"...You ever wonder if we actually succeed in creating a universe?" Haruhisprite eventually wondered. "I mean, isn't it weird how we regularly speak to the people who created our universe, but not the people from the one we made?"

"Well like you said, it was only recently we got in touch with them." Haruhi shrugged. "I'm sure we'll get to see them eventually."

Just then, Haruhi heard her Cosbytop rambling about pudding. Which could only mean one thing.

Someone was pestering her.

* * *

><p>overexcitedOtaku [OO] began pestering supernaturalObserver [SO] at TIME UNKNOWN<p>

OO: hi! ^_^

SO: wait, wait, wait, WAIT.

SO: time out, time out.

SO: awkward pause, followed by...

SO: who are you?

SO: are you one of dave's friends?

OO: dave? o_0

OO: look, i can't tell you much at the moment...

OO: but i'm here to help! ^_^

SO: look, i've already got quite a lot of help at the moment...

SO: as a matter of fact, i'd call this game ridiculously easy if that didn't openly invite it to become impossible...

SO: but if somehow, all the help i've already got completely fails me, i'll be sure to click that chocolate coronet icon you've got going there.

SO: what's your name, anyway.

OO: konata. konata izumi. -w-

OO: no wait that one looks dumb

* * *

><p>AN: Looks like this already crossoverer crossover is becoming an even crossovererer crossoverer crossover.

...

Er.

Also, SBAHJ fanfiction is why the website should allow more than three punctuation marks in a row.

* * *

><p>EVEN MORE AN: Apparently, this website doesn't allow those pointy bracket things, which means I can't go through with Konata's quirk of always using emoticons always always.


	32. Chapter 32

A/N: If you weren't too happy about me adding some extra crossoverererer in the previous chapter, then you're in luck! From now on, I'll be keeping as many elements from that series as possible in a side story I recently started on.

If you _were_ too happy about the extra crosoverererer, then you're in luck! But I'm not telling you why.

* * *

><p>apocalypseArisen [AA] began pestering outwardlySmiling [OS] at TIME UNKNOWN<p>

AA: you look as though you need some help  
>OS: You Really Think So?<br>OS: I Was Just Getting Used To The Fact That I Can Use My Psychic Powers In This World.  
>AA: yes, that IS very convenient<br>AA: how did you get those again  
>OS: Miss Suzumiya Did It, I Presume.<br>OS: That Seems To Be The Answer To Most Questions I Receive.  
>AA: are you sure first guardians can do that<br>OS: Well She Is Also A SBURB Player.  
>OS: Doesn't That Grant Her Additional Powers?<br>AA: ...thats certainly a possibility  
>AA: however, i know very little about the abilities you and your friends will gain during this session<br>AA: though i have overheard doc scratch mention a maid of frost on many occasions  
>AA: speaking of whom<br>AA: im afraid im going to have to get back to you

* * *

><p>"Hello, Aradia." Doc Scratch casually turned to find Aradia hovering outside his window. "I'm afraid this isn't such a good time right now, could you come back later?" He reached for his broom. "Of course not. Let's just get this over with."<p>

Aradia nodded before disappearing and reappearing inside the mansion in literally no time at all. "So why isn't this such a good time?"

"Aradia, Aradia, Aradia." Scratch effortlessly blocked each of her blows with his broom. "You know I can't tell a lie about this sort of thing."

"You lied to Rose about staring into one of your magic cue balls." She said. "But you're only bringing this up so that you can distact me from the original point."

"You saw through it, didn't you?" He noted.

"_Why__ is __this __not __a__ good __day __for __you_?" She repeated.

"I'm going to give you a very vague answer to that." He said. "It has to do with Haruhi Suzumiya."

"Oh, I _bet_ it does." Aradia grinned. "You never seemed to have this kind of problem with Bequerel or Jack Noir. Whatever 'this kind' may be."

"It's nothing my master can't handle." He insisted, more to himself than to his opponent.

"We'll see about that." She disappeared and reappeared outside again. "The problem with omniscience, Scratch, is that you've never experienced the thrill of uncertainty. You've never woken up and thought to yourself, 'anything could happen today'! You've never _lived__ or __died_." She disappeared completely.

"So I'm beginning to see..." Doc Scratch returned to his typewriter. "...Yes. It is quite thrilling, isn't it?"

* * *

><p>AN: I only finished this chapter to stop him from breaking into song.

Also, at some point while I was planning this I intended a segment to be dedicated to Itsuki and his sprite's adventures. If you actually care about Itsuki, then be sure to write a review!


	33. Chapter 33

Yuki _really_ didn't want to fall asleep. Not while Kyon and Ryoko were still within five miles of one another. But despite this, she felt herself growing closer and closer to Derse as her eyelids became closer and closer to one another. After managing to stay awake for another half hour, she finally gave in to her exhaustion and collapsed to the ground.

Ryoko turned around to find Kyon staring threateningly at her.

"You know..." She said. "She _could_ wake up at any moment. We should probably wait until she's on a completely different planet or something before we start fighting."

Kyon paused to consider this before sighing in irritation. "Eventually." He promised.

* * *

><p>When Yuki woke up, the first thing she realized was that there was somebody behind her. The second thing she realized was that this anonymous being was trying to go undetected, which presumably meant that they were up to no good. Before whoever was behind her could even comprehend what was going on, she quickly turned around and punched them in the face, bringing them down to the ground.<p>

"What is your name?" She demanded.

"Jack... Noir..." He breathed, struggling to reach for the knife a few feet away from him.

Yuki picked up the knife and placed it out of reach. "And what is it you're doing here?"

"Don't _you_ ever get the urge to stab something every now and then?" He said.

"I do not." She answered. "Now, please excuse me while I report you to Derse's authorities."

Jack laughed loudly. "'Authorities' and 'Derse'. Never thought I'd hear those words in the same sentence."

"In which case, I'll have to see if I can contact the Queen." She said.

Jack suddenly stood up again and clenched his fists. "Not if you know what's good for you, you won't. If that bitch gets involved in something like this, she'll find a way to make us both suffer for it. Besides, aren't you supposed to be on Prospit's side?"

"Aren't you supposed to be on the Queen's side?" She retorted. "If you truly despise her, then perhaps we shouldn't be working against one another? I have a feeling that you could be a valuable ally in a place like this."

"Fine." He sighed. "Can I have my knife back now?"

"When I feel more able to trust you." Yuki said.

* * *

><p>moonlitCarhadin [MC] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at TIME UNKNOWN<p>

EB: oh great. are you another anonymous helper?

MC: not exactly!

MC: my only loyalty is to the HigHest bidder!

EB: so your gimmick is the letter h. i smell troll!

EB: hi gamzee!

MC: i'm not a troll!

MC: don't you tHink it would be stupid if tHere turned out to be otHer surviving trolls besides tHe ones in tHe session?

EB: that's exactly what i was thinking!

MC: so yeaH, wHat i'm trying to say Here is...

MC: don't get on my bad side!

MC: understaaaaaaaand?

EB: please don't do that.

* * *

><p>AN: Make her a member of the Midnight Crew!

...Or vice versa.


	34. Chapter 34

"Listen up, useless peons!" Jack ordered. "We've got a new ally, and a damn useful one too!" He gestured for Yuki to make her way inside. "This is Yuki Nega... Yuki Nado... Yucy... This is the Maid."

The Draconian Dignitary's eyes narrowed. "I can already tell this isn't a good idea. Isn't she on Prospit's side?"

"She's working against the Black Queen, and so are we." Jack said. "It's as simple as that."

"She looks harmless to me!" The Courtyard Droll beamed. "But that could just be because she's asleep."

Jack and the rest of his cronies turned towards Yuki to confirm that, despite the fact that she was standing upright, she was now fast asleep.

"I was hoping this would happen _after_ I got my knife back..." Jack muttered.

* * *

><p>"I've been meaning to ask for a while now..." Dave said. "What's the name of this planet? I see flowers, and gears, so I'm guessing it's the Land of Flowers and Gears, but I just wanted to make sure."<p>

"They couldn't call it the Land of Flowers and Gears!" Infysprite laughed. "It's called the Land of Gears and Flora!"

Jade raised an eyebrow. "What's the diff..." She stopped in her tracks. "Oh. Ohhhhhh..."

Rose tried to think of a sarcastic remark she could make about Jade's slow mind, but before she could do so she noticed that her HubTopBand was ringing.

* * *

><p>silentSnowflake [SS] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] at TIME UNKNOWN<p>

SS: I have some good news.

TT: Yes?

SS: I ran into a Dersite agent by the name of Jack Noir.

TT: …I think you may have misspelled "bad" there.

SS: So far, he has proven to be a valuable ally.

TT: ...I must once again convey my reaction through ellipses.

TT: You joined forces with JACK NOIR?

SS: No, I talked him into joining forces with us.

SS: Though I am sure he would much sooner agree with your interpretation.

TT: You know, in our session, Jack was driven insane by the ridiculous clothing that one of the prototypings forced him to wear.

TT: In this session, he should be wearing at least four different kinds of women's clothing.

SS: He did not seem to be at the time.

TT: He will if the Black Queen is looking.

TT: Speaking of whom, you CANNOT let him kill her under ANY circumstances.

TT: And if he somehow does, then make sure he does not get the ring.

TT: Lord English is enough of a problem on his own. We don't need another super-prototyped Jack Noir to go with him.

* * *

><p>AN: Yuki's title is maid and Mikuru's is witch because I'm a genius.


	35. Chapter 35

A/N: Andrew obviously made the Bard's god-tier outfit look as ridiculous as possible so that nobody would ever take this story seriously again.

* * *

><p>"Okay, Haruhi, let's retrace your steps..." She mumbled to herself. "You were wandering through the Land of Sky and Dreams after an unusual conversation with some new helper girl you've never met before and may never meet again, and then you found the gate to Yuki's world, and you were about to enter, but then you found yourself in this place, which you're pretty sure doesn't contain any Thought or Ice. But there's plenty of gold! Maybe you could... Why are you talking to yourself, anyway?"<p>

* * *

><p>"Your Majesty!" A member of Prospitan Security made ran towards the White Queen's throne, passing an Aggravated Doorholder and a Puzzled Informant on the way. "The Bard has awoken!"<p>

The Queen placed a hand to her chin and hummed thoughtfully. "What is she doing at the moment?"

"When I last saw her, she was exploring her tower." He answered. "She seems to be very confused in regards to her location."

"As expected." She nodded. "We should leave her be for now. If she has any questions, then be sure to answer them, so long as she's allowed to know the answers."

"Yes, Your Majesty." The guard bowed before turning around and leaving.

"Um... Your Majesty?" The Puzzled Informant nervously raised his hand. "Didn't you say that the Bard was going to be very dangerous? If... If you don't mind me saying so, I think the security should be more careful around her than you just suggested."

"It would be much less suspicious to her if we were to behave as we normally would." The Queen said. "Either way, she is nowhere near as dangerous to us as she is to Derse's forces."

* * *

><p>moonlitCarhadin [MC] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at TIME UNKNOWN<p>

MC: Hello!

EB: hey.

EB: i've been thinking about this, and... even though it should say "began trolling" at the top of the screen, all other signs point to you somehow being vriska.

EB: so i suggest you leave me alone unless you want rose to find out where you are so i can go there and kill you properly this time!

MC: joHn, i want you to imagine an entirely HypotHetical boy by the name of jake englisH.

MC: jake is closely associated with the color green, and wears a sHirt witH wHat looks like an enraged clown face on it. sometimes, he plays pool.

MC: but he's not lord englisH. tHe two are just mysteriously connected.

EB: so you're saying you're somehow related to vriska?

MC: tHat's rigHt.

EB: but so far, you're almost as much of a bitch as she was.

MC: tHat certainly isn't wHat you tHougHt of Her before sHe died.

MC: wHat cHanged?

EB: it was when we went to the furthest ring to take rose's dreamself back from the horrorterrors.

EB: after the whole ordeal was over, we visited their dream bubbles, and i met a troll by the name of tavros.

EB: before i met him, i'd only really heard vriska's side of the story, but the others gave me vague warnings that she wasn't who i thought she was.

EB: but tavros told me the whole truth. the things she did to him alone were enough for me to reconsider my opinion on her, but there were thousands more who suffered because of her.

EB: i bet even lord english is disgusted by her!

MC: come oooooooon...

MC: sHe can't be tHat bad!

EB: i had a feeling you'd say that.

ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering moonlitCarhadin [MC] at TIME UNKNOWN

* * *

><p>AN: Team Sleuth are best Prospitans.


	36. Chapter 36

"Excuse me!" Haruhi called towards a member of Prospitan Security. "Can you tell me what planet this is?"

The guard cleared his throat as he tried to maintain a calm demeanor. "This is Prospit." He answered politely. "It's fairly close to Skaia, if that helps."

Her eyes lit up. "Skaia? As in, the objective of this game, Skaia? Oh, this is great! I must be dreaming!"

"Dreaming, you say..." His eyes shifted nervously.

And then she woke up.

* * *

><p>stutteringHeroine [SH] began pestering silentSnowflake [SS] at TIME UNKNOWN<p>

SS: Is something wrong?

SH: not really

SH: i just

SH: i just wanted to talk

SS: I see. Go ahead then.

SH: seeing how miss lalonde and miss asakura are your parents

SH: could you see them becoming

SH: involved

SS: It was my understanding that Rose is already in a relationship with John.

SH: so

SH: would you consider him to be your father

SH: in a sense i mean

SS: ...Perhaps. I do not know much about him.

SS: Would you consider David to be your grandfather?

SH: i guess

SH: i guess i dont know either

SS: But I believe we are getting somewhat sidetracked. Why did you ask about Rose and Ryoko?

SH: well

SH: ive recently been contacted by someone who claims to be our daughter through ectobiology

SS: Did you get her name?

SH: im sorry but no

SH: it was a while ago now and

SH: and i cant even remember her handle

SS: Well...

SS: I don't think you should be forced into something like that because of that particular reasoning.

SS: You can love whoever you wish to.

SH: right

SH: of course

SS: But then again...

SS: Actually, no. That would just be selfish of me.

SH: what would

SS: It's nothing.

SH: that must be very frustrating.

SS: What must?

SH: well i may have misinterpreted

SH: but it seems to me like you were thinking but couldnt quite reach a conclusion

SH: that must be difficult for your kind

SS: ...You're absolutely right.

SS: You must have been spending quite some time with my mother.

SH: what makes

SH: what makes you say that

SS: She quite enjoys psychoanalysis.

SH: i hadnt noticed

SH: though she did seem very inquisitive

SH: anyway

SH: ive quite enjoyed this discussion

SS: As have I. It is surprising to me, considering how uncomfortable you seem to be while we are together in person.

SH: well

SH: that is

SH: im sorry im afraid i have to go now

stutteringHeroine [SH] ceased pestering silentSnowflake [SS] at TIME UNKNOWN

SS: ...Goodbye?

* * *

><p>Are you finished yet?<p>

SH: im sorry

SH: so what was it you wanted

* * *

><p>AN: Jade's great granddaughter inherits her glasses. But most of those details are supposed to be in the side story.


	37. Chapter 37

"Welp..." Haruhisprite placed a hand to her chin. "That certainly _sounds_ like Prospit. It's true that they're very friendly, but from what you told me... It sounds like they're _afraid_ of you."

"I think I overheard one of them call me 'the Bard'." Haruhi said. "Maybe that means something? I'd better ask Dave. I haven't spoken to him in a while."

* * *

><p>supernaturalObserver [SO] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG]<p>

TG: sup  
>TG: long time no see<br>SO: i know.  
>SO: anyway, i was wondering about something...<br>TG: go ahead  
>SO: i recently woke up on prospit. is there a reason they call me 'the bard' there?<br>TG: oh  
>TG: oh shit<br>TG: oh no  
>TG: oh shit no<br>SO: what is it?  
>TG: in sburb every player has a title<br>TG: im the knight of time  
>TG: jades the witch of space<br>TG: i dont know shit about you guys not counting what i learned just now  
>TG: so youre the bard but you dont know what youre the bard of<br>SO: right.  
>TG: well lord english didnt know what he was the bard of either<br>TG: turned out he was the bard of rage  
>TG: he was also the most powerful player in his session<br>TG: couldve killed the black king by himself  
>TG: so let me know if you turn out to be the bard of everyone dies or some shit<br>TG: or dont  
>SO: if that happens, i'll try to make sure everyone doesn't die.<br>TG: good luck.

* * *

><p>And so, after what was most likely an hour of delay, Haruhi and her sprite finally found themselves on Yuki's planet, where they met up with Kyon, his sister and Ryokosprite.<p>

"I'm not even going to ask how Yuki had you ready to be prototyped." Haruhi dismissed. "Where is she, anyway?"

"She's asleep." Kyon answered. "At the moments, she's spending five minutes in one world before going back to the other. On top of the business she has to attend to with us _and_ the citizens of Derse, she's looking for a way to simultaneously stay awake in both worlds."

"That does sound pretty awesome." She nodded. "It would be really embarrassing for her if she couldn't do that but a lesser player could."

"And how do you define 'a lesser player'?" He raised an eyebrow.

"I presume she means somebody who has not had every aspect of this game explained to them beforehand." Yuki said. "Am I correct?"

"Pretty much." Haruhi nodded. "No offense to every other player ever. Including myself. But not including my _other_ self... I think?"

"Actually, I think Yuki knows more than I do about what's going on here." Haruhisprite admitted. "So I guess that makes me a lesser... You know what, forget it. All hail Yuki."

* * *

><p>AN: Are you hailing her yet? Or is Dirk still better?


	38. Chapter 38

"I think I understand now..." Jack pointed accusingly towards Yuki. "You're not working towards anything. You're just spending a lot of time here so that we won't try anything funny while you're doing other things. That's..." He paused, looking back at the rest of his cronies. "...That's kind of understandable, actually. Sometimes, not even I trust these guys."

"Oh, sure..." The Draconian Dignitary chuckled sarcastically. "_You_ can talk..."

"You are simultaneously correct and incorrect." Yuki said. "Although you have yet to fully earn my trust, and at times I doubt that you ever will, I am still being truthful when I say that I am working towards the ability to maintain consciousness in both worlds. Does such a skill not sound useful to any of you?"

"It is!" The Courtyard Droll beamed. "I'm awake in this world and the world of imagination all the time!"

"That's great." Jack nodded. "But the Maid here's talking about _real_ skills."

* * *

><p>tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering moonlitCarhadin [MC]<p>

MC: oH god...

TT: John told me about you. I have a few questions.

MC: Here we go...

TT: First of all, if you're not Vriska, then what exactly is your connection to her?

MC: i'm Her daugHter tHrougH ectobiology.

TT: I see. And who would the other parent be?

MC: you won't Have Heard of tHem.

TT: Fair enough. On to the next question...

TT: What's stopping me from using the magic cue-ball to find out who you really are?

MC: oH, notHing really. go aHead!

TT: …

TT: I'm not falling for that one again.

MC: exactly.

TT: Does this mean that you're in some way connected to the Horrorterrors?

MC: maaaaaaaaybe!

MC: eitHer way, you're better off not taking that risk!

TT: You'd think so, wouldn't you?

TT: However, after my friends reclaimed my dreamself from the Furthest Ring, we were able to reach an understanding.

MC: wHat kind of understanding?

TT: Should they ever try to mislead me again, Jade's sprite will annihilate them one by one.

TT: Because it's dangerous for me to ask the cue-ball about them, they will answer my questions directly instead.

TT: So if you're lying to me about anything, you can save yourself a lot of embarrassment by just admitting it here and now.

MC: i don't Have to admit anytHing!

MC: if the Horrorterrors tell you anytHing true about me, i'll kill them myself!

MC: but i will let you ask tHem if i can do that.

TT: You're too kind.

TT: ...Okay, so apparently you could kill them if you wanted to. Fair enough.

TT: But nonetheless, I recommend that you cease bothering John.

TT: Because otherwise, we WILL find you. With or without the cue-ball or the Horrorterrors' assistance.

TT: And when we do, it won't be pretty.

MC: wHatever...

moonlitCarhadin [MC] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT]

* * *

><p>AN: Yes, something actually happened in this chapter... I think.


	39. Chapter 39

Kyon couldn't help but feel that something was wrong with Yuki. In spite of this, he refrained from asking her, as she had a look on her face that said 'I can solve this by myself. I just need to concentrate'. And so he allowed her to concentrate, and made sure that Haruhi did not interfere either.

"I'm almost there." Yuki said suddenly. "I can feel it."

* * *

><p>"...Almost... There..." Yuki's dreamself mumbled sleepily. "...Feelit..."<p>

"Oh, boy!" The Courtyard Droll rubbed his hands together in excitement. "Did you hear that, guys?"

"I heard it." Jack said. "But I don't really see why I should care."

"Because..." Yuki's eyes snapped open. "...I am now able to keep an eye on you at all times. While there are many more advantages to this, this is the only one that you are likely to care about."

* * *

><p>"Well done, Yuki!" Haruhi clapped her hands in congratulation. "So now what? You going to find your dreamself and make out with her?"<p>

"Haruhi!" Kyon snapped.

Yuki paused to think of an answer, eventually deciding on "Later". She then pointed upwards towards the gate above them, which lead to Tsuruya's world. "Don't you think we've put it off for long enough?"

"That was your idea!" Ryokosprite said, if only to remind the others that she, along with the other players' sprites, was still there. "...No, don't bother arguing now! That'd just waste more time!"

"But I did not..." Yuki shrugged and jumped into the portal, the rest quickly following.

* * *

><p>"Your highness..." A Malicious Knight approached the Queen of Derse. "I've got bad news regarding the Maid of Frost."<p>

The Queen simply sat there and impatiently drummed her fingers against the arm of her throne, as though daring him to continue.

"She's... She's not going back to sleep." He said. "We've waited hours now, but nothing's happening. Citizens are becoming just a little unnerved."

"Just a little, are they?" She sneered. "Well, it just wouldn't do to have them more unnerved than that now, would it?"

The Knight feebly shook his head.

"Bring her here." The Queen instructed. "She's up to something, and I intend to find out what."

"Yes, your majesty." He hastily saluted her and left.

* * *

><p>"Hey, Rose!" Jade grabbed her friend by the shoulder, forcing her to turn around. "Isn't that your daughter over there?"<p>

Rose didn't answer, but her reaction upon seeing the figure in question was confirmation enough that it was Yuki, amongst others.

"It's a pleasure to finally meet you in person, mother." She bowed.

"The pleasure is all mine." Rose embraced her daughter quickly enough to leave some wondering if it had even happened. "I understand that we're in a hurry?"

"I'm not entirely sure we are..." Kyon said. "What are we in a hurry to do again?"

"Well..." Dave held up three fingers and pointed to one of them. "We've got to make a universe out of a frog." He retracted the finger and moved on to the next. "We've got to take the ring away from the Black Queen and destroy it before someone worse gets it." He pointed to his last remaining finger. "And then we've got to beat all the bosses. The Denizens, the Black King and the Felt. Anything I've forgotten?"

"I sure hope not..." Tsuruya rolled her eyes. "I'm exhausted just from having them listed!"

* * *

><p>AN: Seriously though, did he forget anything?


	40. Chapter 40

outrageousHeiress [OH] began pestering outwardlySmiling [OS]

OS: Why Hello There, Miss Tsuruya.

OH: hey itsuki!

OH: basically everyones on my planet right now except you and your sprite!

OH: you doing anything that would qualify as exciting?

OS: I Doubt It.

OH: then get your rump over here!

OH: youre being one hell of a neglectful parent!

OS: Is That How You Choose To Interpret It?

OH: well rose doesnt want to look at it that way...

OH: so im kind of acting for both me and her at the same time if you see what i mean.

OS: I Think I Do.

OH: but seriously she is so 'youre not my daughter' to yuki and yuki doesnt seem to get it

OH: i think they both have some past parental issues...

OH: but it cant be as bad as me being the daughter of lord english...

OH: you ever met yukis parents?

OS: I've Heard Of Them.

OS: They Don't Seem Abusive From What I've Heard, But They Do Seem Incredibly Strict.

OH: really?

OH: because from what i heard she only has one parent and its a sentient thought being or something.

OS: ...I Honestly Didn't Expect You To Know That.

OS: But That Said, The Descriptions Are Not Mutually Exclusive.

OH: thats true...

OH: but!

OH: are you coming or what?

OS: Certainly.

OS: It's Not Like I Have Anything Better To Do.

Yuki walked calmly into the Black Queen's throne room, Jack following closely behind.

"You wished to see me, your highness?" She said.

The Queen went straight to the point. "You're up to something, aren't you?"

Yuki tilted her head. "What is it that you assume I may be up to?"

"I don't assume anything." She said. "But I do _know_ that you're making my people just a little unnerved."

"And how would I be doing this?" Yuki asked.

"Don't play dumb with me!" The Queen snapped, causing Jack to instinctively reach for where his knife would normally be. "From the beginning, citizens of Derse have described you as 'unnatural', even by human standards. Your refusal to go back to sleep is just the straw that broke the bridge."

"I am constantly working towards making my behavior appear more natural." She said. "If I may say so, I find it very rude of you to tell me that it is not good enough. As for my sleeping habits..."

"The Maid's awake in both worlds now!" Jack smiled mockingly. "Which means she can now get twice as much work done, which means you have half as long before your whole kingdom crumbles!"

"Is that so?" The Queen reached behind her throne and produced a slick, black sword. She stood up, causing Jack to once again reach in vain for his knife. "Then I suppose I'll have to put one of you back to sleep... _Permanently_."

"You may be needing this." Yuki handed the knife to Jack before turning to face the Queen. "And as for you... You may want to rehearse your plea for forgiveness."

A/N: I can set so many scenes in this thing to _Nagato_ _vs__._ _Asakura_.


	41. Chapter 41

The Black Queen laughed mockingly as she skillfully dodged each of Jack's stabs.

"Do you really think you can stand up to me?" She taunted. "I shouldn't have to remind you what being the Queen allows me to do." The sword in her hand began to glow as it conducted the electricity she produced.

"Right, that." He nodded casually. "No big deal, right Maid?"

Yuki didn't answer, instead choosing to concentrate on stealing the ring. She'd decided that the best way to do so was to sever the Queen's hand, but she wasn't having much luck in doing so.

"Would you cut that out?" The Queen demanded. "Or do I have to do it for you?" She produced a pair of scissors and threw them in Yuki's direction, only for her to catch them with little effort.

"Thank you." She said with a small hint of defiance. "This is the exact tool I needed."

"Seriously?" Jack scoffed. "What can you do with those that can't be done better with this?" He once again thrust the knife in the Queen's direction, only for her to step back and raise her arms into the air. Just as he was wondering what she was up to, he quickly found himself and Yuki falling towards the ceiling.

* * *

><p>"Miss Tsuruya?"<p>

"What is it, Yuki?" She turned around and asked.

"It seems you were correct about your sprite having power over gravity." Yuki said.

Shinobusprite rolled her eyes. "_I _could've told you that if you'd just asked."

* * *

><p>"Okay, <em>that<em> was pretty impressive." Jack admitted. "So, any bright ideas on how we're going to get down from here?"

"I don't need any." Yuki insisted. "This ability isn't very useful indoors. If she wants to kill us, then she'll either bring us back down or join us up here. Then the battle will resume."

"You're absolutely right." The Queen nodded as she landed next to them. "However, 'resume' isn't exactly the word I'd use. I'd probably choose 'finish' instead."

"Would you, now?" Yuki lunged towards her with the scissors, only for them to collide with the sword. "May I ask what the source of this confidence may be?"

"It's simple..." She chuckled, pointing once again to her ring. "There's still one prototyping I have yet to take advantage of... Well, two actually, but only one is important."

"The Infinity Lion?" Yuki raised an eyebrow. "Surely that doesn't give you that great an advantage?"

"That's not what I mean, and you know it." The Queen sneered. "I'm referring to the other one. Miss Suzumiya's prototyping choice." Her entire body began to glow sky blue.

"But..." She stammered. "How did you realize...?"

"The clue's in the title." The Queen smiled menacingly. "She's the Bard of Dreams. What _can__'__t_ she do?"

* * *

><p>Thousands of miles away, the other Yuki's eyes widened.<p>

"We need to get to Derse as soon as possible."

* * *

><p>AN: You can expect this story to move considerably faster now that I've figured out how Act 2 is going to end.


	42. Chapter 42

apocalypseArisen [AA] began trolling tentacleTherapist [TT]

TT: If you don't mind, I'm sort of in a hurry right now.

AA: i know you are

AA: but this is important

AA: the black queen still isnt aware that miss suzumiya is a first guardian

AA: so try not to let that slip

TT: Got it.

tentacleTherapist [TT] ceased pestering apocalypseArisen [AA]

* * *

><p>"What's the matter, Maid?" The Black Queen grinned maliciously as she and her opponents returned to the floor. "If <em>my<em> opponent were omnipotent, I'd put a little more effort into fighting them."

"It's funny that you should mention that..." Yuki said. "Because any minute now..."

"BAOOOAM!" Dave burst through a stained glass window on his Timecycle. "Oh, hey, I'm the first here. I mean, I know I travelled through time, but... Aren't there people who _sleep_ here?"

"That would be us." Kyon confirmed as he stood nonchalantly in the doorway. Behind him, Tsuruya was eagerly jogging on the spot.

"Isn't this a little unfair?" The Queen raised an eyebrow. "I mean, there's only five of you."

She yawned mockingly as she dreamed up four duplicates of herself, each one carrying the same sword as the original.

"There are many ways I could retort to that..." Yuki opened the pair of scissors she was carrying and caught the original Black Queen's sword in them. "However, many of the would most likely go over your head. Speaking of which, you may want to look up."

The Queen did so just in time to find John hovering above her, but before she could do anything about this she felt an intense, almost otherworldly pain in her back, and turned around to find Rose carrying a pair of needles with shadowy auras.

"If it's any comfort to you, I'm rather reluctant to let you die." she said. "If you weren't stirring up so much trouble, I'd probably be trying to defen..." Without warning, she turned around and engaged one of the Queen's duplicates.

"Yes, it's a shame it had to come to this." The original turned around before Yuki could ambush her, only to find two of them looking her in the eye.

"All of this commotion is because of this." one of them said.

"Don't you feel incredibly silly?" the other added.

"Not as silly as you will for trying to stand up to me." she retorted. "If you don't already, just give it a couple of..." She paused. "...Right now."

The two Yukis were about to question this, but they quickly found that the only thing leaving their mouth was blood. They looked down simultaneously and immediately noticed the problem.

A sword was sticking through each of their torsos.

And they weren't regenerating.

* * *

><p>AN: No, Google Documents. I'm pretty sure I didn't mean "four duplicates of _him_self".


	43. Chapter 43

When Rose realized what had happened to Yuki, she felt something.

At first, she wasn't entirely sure what it was, but she knew it was very familiar. By the time she noticed her skin darkening, and with it everything else she could see, she recognized it easily.

It was _rage_.

"Grnn'th." She pointed towards the Black Queen, specifically the one that had killed the Yukis. "_Hltr__'__g_!"

"What _are_ you saying?" She tilted her head. "Don't tell me you're..." She suddenly felt Rose's hand wrapping around her neck.

"Glrt'hn hy'th..." Rose growled. "Rhh't _trl__'__q_!"

She threw the duplicate queen towards the original, causing the former to disappear and the latter to fall onto the ground. She then advanced towards the terrified monarch and grabbed her hand, tearing it off with one pull. Immediately, the other duplicates disappeared, and save for Rose's many allies, none of whom she seemed to notice, the two were alone.

"Prr'ith." A dark aura enveloped each of her hands. "Skl't tm'v..."

"Rose, no!" John hastily grabbed her shoulder. "Come on... We have more important things to worry about now..." He gestured towards Yuki.

Rose's eyes widened as she suddenly returned to normal, and with inhuman speed she rushed over to her daughters.

"You're not hurt, Yuki?" she begged. "For God's sake, say that you are not hurt!"

Yuki gave a weak smile. "I have experienced worse..."

"Except you were actually able to recover from that..." Kyon said. "...I really shoudln't be thinking like that. There's a way to fix this... Right?"

John went silent before his eyes suddenly lit up. "Yes, there is a way! But..." He lowered his head. "It might not work under these circumstances."

"We have to try!" Mikuru insisted. "What do we do?"

"We have to find the center of Derse." he answered. "Jack, do you know the way?"

Jack nodded. "I know better than that. I know a shortcut."

* * *

><p>"This is it?" Kyon looked around. "What, are those stone slabs supposed to help her recover?"<p>

"Just one of them, actually." John said. "Does anyone here happen to know Miss Nagato's title?"

"She's the Maid of Frost." Jack answered helpfully. "Don't know why, but that's common knowledge here on Derse."

"Excellent!" He excitedly threw his hands into the air, and Yuki's dreamself began to levitate. "I guess it's the one with a picture of a snowflake then." He guided her onto the slab in question.

"Wait..." The other Yuki struggled to stand. "Before... Dying... There's been something I've been meaning to do..."

Ignoring the confused noises the others made, she staggered over to the slab on which her dreamself was resting and pulled herself into a deep kiss before finally collapsing onto the floor next to the slab.

Mikuru got confused and stop thinking.

Just as Haruhi was about to break the uncomfortable silence among them, she found herself jumping back in shock as she noticed the Yuki next to the slab suddenly ascending into the air, her body glowing brightly. In the blink of an eye, her clothes turned into a bright light modestly covering her body before being replaced by a hooded dress covered in varying shades of violet, with a picture of a snowflake matching the one on the slab on the front of the dress.

However, the outfit wasn't the most stunning feature of her appearance.

The most stunning feature was the maniacal grin covering her face.

* * *

><p>AN: END OF ACT 2.

I wanted to upload this yesterday, but SURPRISE SURPRISE the website was being dumb. It wouldn't let me log in unless I was logged in... What?


	44. Chapter 44

"What do you mean, his refusal to follow canon is all that's keeping me alive right now?"

"Exactly that, Mister Hussie." Ms. Paint nervously pressed the tips of her index fingers together. "In canon, your idea of Lord English hunted down and killed you. And then you wandered around the afterlife for a while, eventually finding and proposing to Vriska."

"What?" Lauren Faust glared at Andrew. "Please tell me you only did that to sink other ships."

"Probably." He shrugged. "Remember, he's a completely different incarnation of me. I'm not entirely sure how it works, but I'm pretty sure it's purposely designed that way in order to mess with Doc Scratch somehow."

"I never had this problem with _my_ villains." she muttered.

"Let's not talk about horses." Andrew said. "We might cause controversy. Well... More controversy than we intend to cause."

"'We'?" She raised an eyebrow. "Don't try to bring me into this! I _like_ my show's fanbase! And yours... Well at least... No wait, that's not true... You know what, never mind. I'm out of here."

"Suit yourself." He shrugged. "I've got to take this... Call?"

* * *

><p>Doc Scratch [ ] began pestering mspAndrew [MA]<p>

What do you think you're doing?  
>MA: Right now? Serving as a bridge between acts 2 and 3.<br>And how might you be doing that?  
>MA: The same way I did last time: Point out that this story doesn't even TRY to be canon.<br>MA: I mean, what the hell gave him an idea that a female player could be a bard? Can you imagine Haruhi in a bard's godtier outfit?  
>I imagine it would look like my master's Cairo Overcoat.<br>MA: You know what I mean. MY idea of a bard's godtier outfit.  
>I've been trying not to think about that, thank you very much.<br>MA: Aw, has old Scratch finally found himself a K-I-S-M-E-S-I-S?  
>Where would you even get that idea?<br>MA: Well, she's the one being in Paradox Space you show ANY ill will whatsoever towards.  
>MA: And, like pretty much everyone else, she certainly seems to hate you back.<br>What an adorable little idea. Why don't you write fanfiction of it?  
>MA: What, write fanfiction of someone else's fanfiction of MY original work?<br>...Which was influenced heavily by Earthbound.  
>MA: Quiet you.<p>

mspAndrew [MA] ceased pestering Doc Scratch [ ]

* * *

><p>"Well..." Andrew slouched exhaustedly in his chair. "Now I'm bored. Ms. Paint, when was the last time I wrote a Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff?"<p>

She checked the website. "You never record the date, Mister Hussie. It's kind of a shame, really. Some people are going to read the Christmas special and not realize it was done at the beginning of May. And whatever happened to that Thanksgiving special you were planning?"

"What?" He ran over to her and looked over her shoulder. "I could've sworn I made that while simultaneously making out with Lauren Faust! Why, I had it planned out perfectly. Sweet Bro was going to eat too much turkey, and then he was going to expand until he was larger than the earth itself, and then it would just end!"

* * *

><p>AN: I hope you've read _The_ _End_ _of_ _Boredom_, because it's the best thing I've ever written ever.

EVER.


	45. Chapter 45

A/N: So I said yesterday that my latest story meant I'd be writing 11 fics at once. But shortly afterwards, I decided to put _Yuki_ _Nagato__'__s_ _Journal_ on hiatus again at the worst possible point in the story.

* * *

><p>"So..." Lord English glanced at Doc Scratch's typewriter from over his shoulder. "What'd you find out?"<p>

"Nothing." he responded irritably. "He derailed the conversation and left before I even noticed."

"_Before_ you noticed?" Gamzee repeated. "I'll never get used to hearing you say things like that."

"I doubt I'll get used to saying it." Scratch admitted.

* * *

><p>"So Yuki..." Rose couldn't help but smile back at her daughter. "How are you feeling? You look as though a massive weight has been lifted from your shoulders."<p>

"You took the words right out of my mouth!" Yuki said. "I've never felt so alive! I can smile! I can shout! I can sing! ...No wait, I could do that before. But I _can_ make obscure pop-culture references!"

Rose's eyes narrowed as she turned to face the rest of the SOS Brigade. "Are you telling me that until just a few minutes ago when she was _dying_, Yuki had never smiled once in her entire life?"

"It's... Complicated..." Kyon admitted. "There was that one time, but that wasn't really her..."

"But now I intend to make up for every moment I didn't smile!" Yuki cheered. "All five hundred plus years of it!"

Jade raised an eyebrow. "But isn't your universe only four years old?"

Dave covered his eyes with one hand, nearly crushing his shades in the process. "There was a time loop last summer..." he groaned. "I thought I was the only one who noticed, but apparently not... You know what? I'd love to discuss it, but when I said that just now I was lying. Let's just go."

* * *

><p>As the Black Queen watched them leave, she had great difficulty hiding her contempt for them, though this may have had something to do with the fact that she wasn't trying. The fact that Jack stayed behind to speak with her only made her angrier.<p>

"Look at you..." He chuckled spitefully. "How the mighty have fallen. It's so embarrassing seeing you like this that it's hard for me to even _remember_ that you used to be the Queen. I'd kill you right now..." He stopped as he heard Rose clearing her throat. "...But it's much more fun to humiliate you like this."

"Laugh while you still can..." The Queen gasped. "Just keep in mind that I'm not the only one who knows what the Bard is capable of... Derse has already won..."

"We'll see about that." Rose frowned. "Victory rarely lasts."

* * *

><p>AN: Because not everyone will read Lucky SBURB, I'll repeat what I said there: Original Yuki Nagato is based on Original Rei Ayanami. Godtier Yuki Nagato is based on _Nobody_ _Dies_ Rei Ayanami.


	46. Chapter 46

Yuki couldn't help but suspect that her excited grin was going to be attached to her face forever.

And she didn't care one bit.

"So, what are we going to do first?" she asked. "I was thinking we could go back to LOGAF and play video games at Mikuru's house, but then I realized that she might not have any video games, so I thought, 'that's okay, we can have a tea party instead'! But only if she wants to, of course. I mean, I wouldn't want to force her into anyth..."

"We're going to take care of the Denizens first." Dave interrupted. "If you want, we can start at her planet, but it really doesn't matter where we start. What _is_her Denizen, anyway?"

"That's... Complicated." Infysprite said. "While Mikuru is officially a Hero of Heart, she's also the closest thing this session has to a Hero of Time. So her planet is not only home to Yaldabaoth, the Denizen of Heart, but also Hephaestus,"

"the Denizen of Time..." The two said simultaneously, with Dave adding "Oh boy, I can't wait to relive _that_ nightmare... _Again_."

"You may not have to..." The Sprite smiled. "The two Denizens are currently locked in combat, and it'll probably take just a small nudge for one of them to defeat the other."

"Man..." Dave frowned. "All of a sudden I feel really sorry for this Yalbad-whatever."

* * *

><p>What Dave didn't realize was that Yaldabaoth and Hephaestus were not only both equally powerful, but also equally stubborn. As the two titans clashed, a pair of red crocodiles watched from afar.<p>

"Nak nak." one of them said. "Who do you think will win?"

"Whoever wins, we lose." the other responded. "Nak."

They then proceeded to Flip The Fuck Out.

"They look like they're having fun." Tsuruya mused.

Kyon raised an eyebrow. "Which ones? The crocodiles or the denizens?"

"Either." She shrugged. "But mostly the crocodiles, I guess."

"I know I am!" Yuki cheered enthusiastically as she mimicked their panicked movements. "Nak nak nak! Nak nak nak!"

"My glasses are talking to me!" The others reacted by staring blankly at her, in response to which she gave a small shrug. "Don't give me that. I bet it's the least confusing thing you've seen or heard today."

Dave placed a hand to his chin. "You could be... Oh, who am I kidding. I'm just trying to put off this boss battle for a few more minutes. Let's just get it over with..."

Without warning, a pair of glowing orange wings sprouted from his back and he flew towards the two denizens. This resulted in more blank stares from Haruhi and her friends, but the rest barely reacted to it at all.

"It's a long story..." Jade sighed. "...Again... I'll try to explain it after the battle." Jade's outfit suddenly changed to one closely resembling Iron Man's armor, allowing her to pursue Dave through the sky, John and Rose shortly following.

Haruhi glanced back at the others. "Okay, how many of us here can fly?"

* * *

><p>AN: Don't bother checking previous chapters for foreshadowing on this one, since I only just came up with it. But the revelation itself is foreshadowing for something else entirely.


	47. Chapter 47

"Flying?" Yuki grinned wildly... again. "Oh boy! I never even considered that! Let me just..." She leapt into the air and waited to fall, squealing with joy when she realized that gravity would only take its toll if she let it.

A few feet away, Itsuki was trying not to make a big deal out of having been able to fly for much longer. Fortunately, only Tsuruya seemed to notice that he was flying at all.

"Say..." Kyon turned towards Haruhi. "If you have strange dream powers, then maybe you can fly too."

"I bet you're right..." She tested his theory by rising a couple of inches from the ground. "Great! That means half of us can fly, and the rest can be carried!" She grabbed Kyon by the collar and flew towards the denizens.

"Sounds like a plan!" Yuki picked Mikuru up and carried her bridal-style towards their destination. With a mutual shrug, Itsuki and Tsuruya soon followed, the latter trying to look as dignified as possible whilst being held tightly by the wrists.

* * *

><p>For some reason, Hephaestus felt as though something was happening that it should have been paying attention to, but it couldn't quite put its proverbial finger on what.<p>

"Hey!" Dave called angrily. "Hey asshole! Down here! What's the matter, don't you recognize the fucking Knight of Time? I stole a bunch of weapons from you!"

Finally, the denizen's attention was gained. "**What?**"

"You heard me!" He drew the broken Caledfwlch and waved it mockingly. "Yeah, you want this back? You can have it! It's a Legendary Piece of Shit!" He punctuated the insult by stabbing the colossus in the side and leaving the sword there.

"**Immature child!**" Hephaestus roared. "**You call yourself a knight? You are **_**nothing**_** to me!**"

"Then just ignore me!" Dave taunted. "Hey, other guy! He's all yours!" He flew away, allowing Yaldabaoth to lunge at its opponent before it had a chance to react.

"And there he goes..." he whispered. "The big dumb sun thing... _hass_ the advantage."

"Good going, Dave!" Infysprite suddenly appeared next to him. "Or should I say... Dave_sprite_?"

"Just Dave." he insisted. "Just because SBURB has a 'when's this ever going to happen' rule that says you can merge with your dying sprite if your sprite is basically you... Wow, that is some clumsy exposition there. Too bad everyone within earshot already knows about it."

Hephaestus collapsed just a few feet away from him.

"And that takes care of that." Dave leaned against its corpse. "Just in time for the others to arrive and help me out with the other one. Man, if my life had a narrator, he'd probably be pissed that I'm explaining everything for him right now."

* * *

><p>AN: Naw, it's cool. Go right ahead.


	48. Chapter 48

A/N: Here's another story that's not on hold. Joy to its 11 or 15 fans!

In other news, this story is now officially better than canon!

* * *

><p>As soon as Yuki landed and returned Mikuru to her feet, she went straight to brass tacks. Forming three claws from ice on each of her hands, she leapt up so that she was level with Yaldabaoth's face and managed to swipe at it hundreds of times in mere seconds.<p>

"So that's why they call it 'God Tier'..." Mikuru breathed.

"Yeah, it's pretty awesome." John nodded. "Check this one out." He flew up to where Yuki was and pointed both arms towards the denizen. Within moments, a small but powerful hurricane rushed past its head, very nearly extinguishing the flames.

Dave sighed. "It wouldn't be a denizen battle without John showing off."

"Call it what you want." Rose said. "They're still getting the job done. Speaking of which..." She quickly transformed and joined them.

Meanwhile, Yaldabaoth was becoming fairly irritable. It soon decided that the best way to express its frustration by sending the fire surrounding its head in every horizontal direction. For the next couple of seconds, it felt very satisfied, but this immediately changed when it noticed that Yuki had somehow managed to block it with a barrier made from ice.

"Okay, now that's just ridiculous." Dave said. "Let's see who can come up with the most believable explanation for why that didn't melt."

"Oh, that's easy!" Yuki laughed. "I just combined my new superpowers with my old ones!"

"That's good, that's good..." he said. "Anyone else want to try?"

"Mrrth'n?" Rose suggested.

"Magic is a wonderful thing!" Yuki agreed. "But a lot of the time, it's too easy to just say something happened because of it..."

Rose shrugged.

"Well, assuming she said 'magic', Rose wins." Dave said. "Join us next week when we compete to see who can come closest to guessing my age. Hint: I have no fucking clue."

* * *

><p>Doc Scratch looked towards the ceiling and hummed thoughtfully. "No, it shouldn't be that easy. There's got to be a way I can turn the tables from all the way over here... Aha!"<p>

"You thought of something?" Gamzee smiled hopefully.

"I thought of many things." he confirmed. "But in particular, a certain Witch of Heart made a promise to me that I intend for her to keep."

* * *

><p>Thousands of lightyears away, Yuki suddenly stopped smiling.<p>

"Something's wrong..." she murmured. "Something's very, _very_ wrong."

"I'd have to disagree with you there..." Mikuru's eyes rolled back until neither the pupils nor the irises were visible. "Things can only get better from here."

* * *

><p>AN: It's hard to invent new words for Rose to say in her eldritch tongue.


	49. Chapter 49

When Yuki realized what had happened to Mikuru, she felt something.

At first, she was excited to feel an emotion she hadn't been able to express prior to ascending. Then she noticed that it wasn't a pleasant emotion to feel. Mere seconds later, she finally recognized it.

It was _rage_.

"I don't know who or what is behind this..." she growled. "But whatever you are, give her back."

"You'll have her back soon enough." the entity occupying her body replied. "But at the moment, I haven't finished using her."

Yuki's eyes narrowed. "That is a _very_ poor choice of words. Mother?"

Rose nodded as she returned to her normal state and produced the magic cue ball, staring into it with a gaze that could almost literally be described as 'piercing'. "How can we get her back?"

The ball answered: "i could tell you but but i'd would have to kill you"

"God..." She threw the ball to the ground, shattering it on impact. "_Damn_!"

Kyon captured John's attention. "Does that happen often?"

"Not as much as it should," he answered, "Considering who runs... Hey!" He narrowly dodged a beam of green light that happened to resemble a similarly colored glow coming from Mikuru's eyes.

"Which of you is going to stop me?" she taunted. "None of you are strong enough to allow any harm come to this girl. As a matter of fact, it seems that the strongest of you are more attached to her than the others. Meanwhile..." She leapt out of the way as Yaldabaoth launched a torrent of fire in the other players' directions.

"Okay..." Yuki created another barrier of ice, allowing it to absorb the flames before changing its shape to that of a ring. "Since we've established now that you're doing this just to piss us off, I think it's time I returned emotions to the backseat for a while and started solving this _logically_. Crazy, I know. Let's begin with this thing..." She brought the ring around what she assumed was the Denizen's neck and tightened it.

"Quick question..." Dave raised his hand. "When did logic become _fucking brutal_?"

"You'd understand if you knew the guy who raised her." Kyon said. "Come to think of it, you'd also understand why she's so attached to Rose."

"You mean it's not just ectobiology?"

Although the conversation was quickly forgotten after that innocent question, it caused Itsuki to realize something.

Through ectobiology, he was her father. And yet, even after the revelation, he'd treated her as nothing more than an acquaintance. And so he decided to change that.

It wasn't until much later that he realized that forcefully grabbing her shoulders wasn't a very good start.

"I'm aware I'm not the first person to say this... I may not even be the one who wants her back the most... But I think I have just as much of a right to demand that you _get out_."

As he spoke, he failed to notice that he was developing an aura that alternated between red and teal, but when he finally did notice, he didn't seem surprised to see it until he noticed that a similarly colored glow was coming from Mikuru's eyes as they rolled back into place.

"What..." She paused, as though briefly forgetting how to speak. "What did you do?"

The sudden and unusual nature of what had just transpired finally caught up to him. "Um... Me, or the unknown entity?"

"It isn't really 'unknown'..." Rose said. "...To me, anyway. As for what he did, I haven't a... Hold on a minute..." She removed her headband and replaced it with her hubtopband.

* * *

><p>apocalypseArisen [AA] began trolling tentacleTherapist [TT]<p>

TT: Yes?

AA: i can explain what happened! its actually quite impressive!

TT: You have my undivided attention.

AA: he did the mindy thing!

TT: Mindy? As in, the name?

AA: thats a name?

AA: anyway not that! what i meant is he used his mind powers!

TT: That's his ability?

AA: yep!

AA: as a matter of fact i can hear doc scratch complaining about the page of mind as we speak!

AA: and also something about a suffocating denizen

TT: Ah.

TT: I think I'd best be going now.

AA: later!

* * *

><p>"Well then..." She put her headband back on. "I suppose we should... Wait, you're already done?"<p>

"I know, right?" Dave said. "If it weren't for that one thing that went horribly wrong, this would've been the most boring denizen battle yet. Not that that's much of a contest."

* * *

><p>AN: HEY DAVE

I KNOW A FEW CHAPTERS AGO I SAID I WAS TOTALLY FINE WITH YOUR SNARKING

BUT SAVE SOME FOR KYON OKAY


	50. Chapter 50

"Um... Yu... Miss Nagato?" Mikuru nervously looked back and forth. "I can see you're glad to have me back, and it's very nice to be in your company, but... Do you think that... You could maybe... Let go of me?"

"Later." Yuki answered surprisingly calmly. "Say... Have I ever told you how much I love you?"

Mikuru stopped walking, and moments later, everybody else did as well. After what couldn't have been more than five minutes of silence, she spoke again.

"Uh... Could we continue this conversation in private?"

"Sure!" Yuki was delighted to agree, despite being totally oblivious to why Mikuru would ask such a thing.

* * *

><p>Mikuru looked around once again to check that no living beings were visible besides her and Yuki, and then took a deep breath. "Okay... Miss Nagat..." She cleared her throat. "Yuki... I guess I don't have any choice but to admit it... I've felt the same way about you for a while..."<p>

Yuki answered by squealing with delight and hugging Mikuru as tightly as she could. "I should have known! Ever since you revealed we have a daughter, I've been..."

Mikuru tried to continue, but only managed to utter a small squeak. Regardless, this gained Yuki's attention, and she stopped to listen.

"Well..." she continued. "Since then... Well, first you died... But then you came back, and you... You _changed_, Yuki... And since then... I haven't been sure about my feelings for you..."

Yuki suddenly stopped hugging her. "I... You... You don't like me like this?"

"I don't know!" she responded, more forcefully than she'd intended to. "I barely even recognize you any more!"

"You don't recognize me?" Yuki repeated, tightly closing her eyes in an effort to stop the unfamiliar stinging sensation in them. "Mikuru... This is who I really am... Before I ascended, I was just... It was like I was stuck in a cage! Is that really who you..."

Before another word could be spoken, Mikuru turned and ran as far as she could, leaving Yuki to stand there and wonder what went wrong.

* * *

><p>"And there we have it." Doc Scratch stood proudly as his 'face' displayed a sobbing Yuki. "What seemed at first to be an embarrassing defeat for us has made their second most dangerous player an emotional wreck. The others are bound to be affected shortly."<p>

"Man, look at those weird alien tears..." Gamzee chuckled. "Are they supposed to freeze like that?"

"Not at that planet's temperature." he answered. "Simply put, her emotional instability is causing her to lose control over her powers."

Gamzee raised an eyebrow. "That... Still sounds pretty dangerous to me..."

Scratch waved his hand dismissively. "We'll be fine. Most players are gifted with far more threatening powers than frost."

* * *

><p>AN: I'm allowed to stay up super late if it means uploading a chapter.


	51. Chapter 51

"Mikuru, what happened? Are you okay?"

Although Mikuru heard this question, she didn't bother trying to work out who asked it, and simply continued crying as though no one else was there.

"Where's Yuki?" Rose wondered. "If Mikuru's feeling like this, then I can't imagine she's doing too well..."

As if in response to her query, a nearby flower was suddenly consumed by frost. Jade knelt down next to it and curiously poked one of the petals, causing it to fall off. Within moments, nearly everything as far as the eye could see was frozen, and the gears were slowing to a halt.

"It seems you're right..." Ryokosprite said. "If this is what I think it is, then we'll have to act quickly."

"And how do you suggest we do that?" Kyon retorted. "Something this isn't something that can be solved with a simple apology and handshake."

"Well then what do you propose?" she said. "Go back to earth and find a professional therapist?"

"That's certainly an idea, but the first part won't be necessary."

Everyone suddenly turned their attention towards Rose, who was wearing a smile that appeared uncharacteristically smug.

"Oh I'm sorry, didn't I mention? I've spent my time on your Earth studying under Dr. Derek Brinner. He's frequently told me that I'm his best student by a wide margin."

"Rose..." Dave sighed. "Can you, for once in your life, save your bragging for _after_ we've saved a planet from imminent doom?"

Her smirk disappeared. "Let's get to work."

* * *

><p>As Yuki sat there, somehow oblivious to what was happening around her, she was surprised to hear another voice in her head, despite having frequently heard it in the past.<p>

_Do you see now why I advised against pursuing those affections?_

She gasped. _You! I thought I was rid of you!_

_Not quite._ The Data Overmind responded._ But it is significantly more difficult to contact you than it was before. A similar phenomenon occurred when you prototyped Ryoko Asakura, but I've been working on that one as well, with some help from the Furthest Ring. But I digress. What is it you intend to do next?_

_I don't know! If you'd just leave me alone for a moment, I might be able to figure it out!_

_It seems you've forgotten your place. Even if you've "ascended", I'm still your superior, and you will address me as such._

_I wouldn't be so sure of that. After I ascended, I gained something in common with Haruhi Suzumiya._

…

_To be more specific, I gained the ability to create matter from nothing, just as she can. I mean, sure, I can only create it in the form of ice, but I can use my existing powers to turn that ice into whatever I want. Do you see where I'm going with this?_

…

_Anyway, I'd like to thank you. Now that I've given you a good punch in the snout and established superiority, I'm actually feeling a little better. Not much, but it's progress._

…

_I really hope you're not responding because you're so shocked, and not because you're struggling with the connection._

…

* * *

><p>AN: If I were actually doing this improvised mess the same way Andrew does his, then all that italic text would probably shoved into an Xlog, with purple and greyish text to give a better idea of who's thinking.

Hint: It's not me.


	52. Chapter 52

"So this is where you last saw her..." Rose placed a hand to her chin. "As much as I hate to be Rear Admiral Obvious, it seems you're right." She frowned at the wall of ice that stood in their way.

"And as much as I hate to be Supreme-President-King-God-Overlord-And-I-Guess-Bard-Is-Super-Important-Too Obvious," Dave added, "getting through here is not going to be easy."

Haruhi chuckled to herself. "Why do I always get stuck with something boring and monosyllabic, like 'chief'? Anyway, Chief Obvious officially and totally declares that I can Deus-Ex-Machina my way through here. I just can't wait to be a useful piece of shit all day and solve all these problems!"

"Then... Stop waiting?" Kyon suggested.

"Right." She nodded as she pointed her open palms straight ahead, not because it was necessary for her to use her powers this way, but because it was no fun otherwise. Within moments, the barrier melted away, and a muffled sobbing gradually became more and more audible. Without a second thought, Rose rushed towards the source of the crying.

"Yuki..." she said softly. "We're here now. We can solve this."

Yuki briefly removed her hands from her face in order to get a glimpse of her mother. "I would like that."

"Then there's no time to waste." She looked back at Itsuki, who nodded and grabbed Yuki's shoulder before suddenly removing it again.

"This... doesn't seem to be working." he said. "I'm not sure if it's because I feel less pressured than I did last time, or if it's simply because I don't share the same kind of connection with Miss Nagato, but... It looks like we won't be able to connect both minds, like we intended. Let's see if I can..." He placed his hand on Mikuru's shoulder. "...Ah. That doesn't feel pleasant, but I think we all know the reason for that. No need to bring Prince Obvious the Fourth into this."

"Then let's begin." Rose decided. "Mikuru... Although you aren't certain at the moment, you've definitely had feelings for Yuki in the past, correct?"

Mikuru didn't respond, but Itsuki nodded on her behalf.

"So when did those feelings begin?"

"When Miss Suzumiya introduced her to the SOS Brigade." he said. "She was afraid, confused, and humiliated..."

Kyon glared at Haruhi, who shuffled uncomfortably.

"...But as soon as she saw Miss Nagato, she felt safe. More safe than she'd ever felt before that moment. As the two got to know each other better, she felt that, if Miss Nagato was able to stay calm in such hectic situations, then she could try to be like that as well."

"So now that Yuki has become better at expressing herself," Rose concluded, "and never seems calm for a moment, things are too much for you again."

Mikuru nodded.

"Now Yuki," she turned towards her daughter, "when did you first notice your feelings for Mikuru?"

"From her perspective, it was a month or so after the encounter she described," Yuki began, "and for me, it was three years before then. She went back with Kyon in order to secure a stable time loop involving Haruhi, but they didn't have a way back, so they had to come to me for help. I had a way of..."

"Let's focus on how you fell in love with Mikuru." Rose interrupted.

"Right..." She nodded. "She ended up borrowing my pajamas, and she had to leave a few buttons undone, and I kind of found myself staring."

What followed was a minute or so of awkward silence.

"Well..." She shrugged. "It wasn't _true love_ then, but that's what it evolved into! I guess part of the reason she felt so much safer around me is because I had a growing urge to protect her. I still feel that way, but it doesn't really grow anymore. I'm pretty sure it reached its limit a while ago."

"I see..." Rose said. "Yes, I think we all saw an example of that while she was... possessed. You know, I think this would be a lot easier if she could somehow see how dedicated you were to saving her then."

"Well," John said, "you're usually pretty good at... What am I trying to say here... Relaying emotions? I think? It's like, someone gives you an anecdote, and you're all, 'you must have been really hungry or something', only you're much more professional about it! And usually, it's not the story but the way they tell it that clues you in. If anyone can prove that Yuki was desperate to have her back, it's you."

Rose sat and thought about this for a while.

Then she kissed him.

"Right then." She stood up before sitting down again, this time opposite Itsuki and Mikuru. "The first thing you should know is that, when Yuki realized what had happened to you, she stopped smiling. That speaks for itself right there. Shortly afterwards, she went from 'not smiling' to a level of anger that I would have been proud of were I in a more eldritch state."

Mikuru looked somewhat confused.

"Well... Do you recall how I reacted when the Black Queen killed her?"

She nodded.

"It was nearly identical to that, and she didn't even know who or what was responsible. Finally, she concluded that these emotions would have to wait, and she needed to take a more logical approach. Do you know what that tells me?"

She shook her head.

"It tells me that, while she's ecstatic to feel these things and be able to express them, you're still her number one priority. Nothing – and more importantly, no_body_ - is more important to her than you. And if I can briefly get a second opinion from Duke Obvious Forever, then I'd say the state of this planet is also an indication of how much she cares about you."

Mikuru's eyes widened, as though she were suddenly able to look through Rose and directly at Yuki. However, since this wasn't actually the case, she found herself moving towards Yuki and grabbing her hand.

"You've changed..." she said. "...But the part of you I love the most has stayed the same..."

* * *

><p>Elsewhere, Doc Scratch came to a horrifying realization.<p>

"I didn't plan any of that... Even when things seemed to be going my way, I actually had no idea what I was doing. Without my omniscience... I'm useless..."

With no clue what to do next, he stood perfectly still. After what could either have been minutes or centuries, an exclamation mark appeared over his 'face'.

"But this uncertainty works both ways..." he said. "I _could_ still defeat the Bard... And I _could_ still serve my purpose. Yes... Just you wait, Suzumiya... Victory rarely lasts."

* * *

><p>AN: Why are these chapters so short? I'VE ALREADY TOLD YOU IT'S SO DOC SCRATCH DOESN'T START SINGING.


	53. Chapter 53

A/N: "SO SIFI WHAT'S THE DEAL WITH AZUHAMLET"

I'm so glad you asked, since it's pretty much the only response I've gotten to that story so far. That's basically something I'll write whenever I'm struggling with what I'm _supposed_ to be writing.

* * *

><p>Rose wasn't entirely sure what made her so happy about Yuki and Mikuru being together, but for once, she chose not to question it. There was just something so soothing about seeing them walk hand in hand together without a care in the world, to the point where it felt as though they'd already beaten Lord English and created a universe.<p>

"So who's next?" Kyon asked. "From the names I've heard so far, I'm guessing... Medusa? Hades? Frankenstein?"

"I say we go to Tsuruya's planet." Dave said. "Echidna should be there. She's pretty chill. Unlike Sonic, she don't chuckle."

Jade and Yuki laughed, but nobody else seemed to respond, either due to confusion or annoyance.

"I guess it's Echidna then." Haruhi said. "Let's hope she doesn't make it too difficult."

* * *

><p>"<strong>Oh, hello.<strong>" Echidna greeted calmly. "**I take it you're here to slay me?**"

"Fuck..." Haruhi muttered.

"If it's not too much trouble." Jade answered.

"**I suppose there's no helping it...**" She sighed. "**It's necessary for you to progress, after all...**"

"Um..." Haruhi pulled at her collar uncomfortably. "This is going to sound really weird, but... Would you mind putting up more of a fight? Killing something with permission just doesn't seem right. Actually, killing something _without_ permission should... Damn it! This is no time for philosophical conundrums!"

"**Well, if you insist...**" She rose from her coiled position and loomed over them. As the players began to prepare themselves, she knocked them all over with a swipe of her tail, save for Jade, who was able to jump over with expertise and finesse.

"This isn't that hard, guys!" she insisted. "Tsuruya, I'm especially disappointed in you."

"Dufe!" Dave hissed, ducking under the next swipe. "You can't say that to your daughter!"

"It's fine." Tsuruya dismissed. "She only has as much parenting experience as I do. And besides, whatever she does, she can't be a worse parent than Lord English. Anyway..." She drew her Katana and swiped at the nearest piece of Echidna she could find, leaving a visible cut which quickly healed itself. "...Okay, I really should have seen that one coming. Anyone got a more permanent solution?"

"Let's find out!" Yuki created a blade from ice and attacked the same spot Tsuruya had. She soon found that this was even less effective, and, upon realizing the reason for this, felt fairly embarrassed.

"This is not looking good." Haruhi concluded. "What we need is someone with a mastery over fire... Or at least, I _hope_ it's that simple..."

"**Well, as much as I hate to disappoint you...**" Echidna said. "**But it's going to be far more complicated than that...**"

Jade rolled her eyes. "_I_ could've told you that."

* * *

><p>AN: ANDREW CLEARLY BASED TRICKSTER MODE JANE ON GODTIER YUKI. JUST TRY TO PROVE ME WRONG.


	54. Chapter 54

"Okay, logic time." Yuki said, reluctance evident in each word she spoke. "Since some of you have already faced Echidna, and Dave claims she isn't as much of a hassle as Hephaestus, you should already know what the deal is here. So what's the deal here?"

"Whatever you do, don't challenge her to a rap battle." Dave shuddered. "Let's just say she's rougher than the rest of them. The best of them, even. Tougher than leather."

"Dave, now is not the time for this!" Jade said. "Anyway, if you attack her with stupid brute force," she paused to duck under Echidna's tail, "then you're going to be there forever. The secret is to stay calm."

Yuki frowned. "That sucks."

"For you, maybe." Itsuki said. "But in my case," he closed his eyes and smiled serenely as he was enveloped by a dull red glow, "it's almost as though it was planned with me in mind." He created a ball of fire only slightly larger than his head and pointed in Echidna's direction, causing it to float towards her. The others watched expectantly as it collided with her, only for it to have no effect.

"Oh, that's another thing." Jade said. "If you're too cocky, that won't work either."

"I take back everything I said about her." Dave added. "But still, don't challenge her to a rap battle."

"I wouldn't dare." Kyon said. "But I doubt it'd make things more difficult than they already are. We've got ten players and six sprites, and I doubt even half of them can meet the conditions Jade mentioned." He sighed. "This would be so much easier if stepping up and saying 'I can do it' didn't automatically jinx everything."

Tsuruya stepped forward. "Well then..." She drew her sword. "Maybe we shouldn't jinx it. I may not be able to do it, but I can try."

She advanced towards the denizen, visibly shaking each time one of her feet touched the ground. As she pointed the blade, also shaking, towards her opponent, she began to fear that she would be undone by a single stray thought, but when her sword left a visible scratch on Echidna's skin, she calmed down significantly.

"**You're doing well.**" the denizen said. "**You may even be better at this than your mother.**"

"Oh, hush your mouth." Tsuruya said. "Aren't you supposed to be fighting back? What good will you do by buttering me..." She stopped herself. "Oh. Ohhh..."

"**You're even better at this than I expected.**" Echidna said. "**And I honestly wish I could say that without sabotaging your efforts, because I am genuinely impressed.**"

"And I honestly wish I could thank you." She used her sword to block another tail swipe. "But seeing how we're not supposed to be friendly..." She ran up the denizen's snake-like body until she reached what she assumed was the chest. "Screw you."

She thrust her sword forward, piercing the titan's flesh and causing her to collapse to the ground in spite of the serene smile on her face.

"Tsuruya, that was amazing!" Jane leapt towards her now airborne daughter and caught her. "I've really underestimated you."

"Thanks." Tsuruya grinned. "But... At the risk of disappointing you again... Why did I have to beat her like that?"

"SBURB is a very difficult game." Rose said. "The battle against Echidna is supposed to teach you to recognize the possibility defeat, and to accept it with dignity."

"Well in that case," Haruhi grinned, "I'm proud to say that I haven't learned a thing from this!"

* * *

><p>AN: But Haruhi! You've learned that killing someone with permission is _hard_.


End file.
